Almost Perfect
by special2401
Summary: AU. When fate takes love in its own hands, morals tend to fall and impossibility finds grace...
1. Just the Beginning

September 20, 2006- 11am 

"Being an intern sucks," Meredith said as she slammed her tray down on the lunch table.

"It's our first day," George said.

"That doesn't mean it doesn't suck."

"Don't complain. You're the only one here with an actual patient," Cristina said as she bitterly took a bite of her salad.

"None of you get complaining rights. I can't even eat. I had to do 17 rectal exams," Izzie said looking as though she was going to gag.

"I hate to ruin your lunch, but I do have an announcement to make," a red headed attending said as she walked over as the interns immediately sat up straighter recognizing her authority, "As you all probably know, an intern gets to perform a simple procedure on their first shift. Today, I've been able to choose that intern and I've decided to choose Dr. Grey. I'll see you in the OR at 3." She smiled and walked away from the interns.

They all turned their heads and looked over at Meredith, "Still sucks?" George asked.

"Maybe not so much."

"So what sucked so bad to begin with?" Izzie asked.

"That stupid patient is annoying me to no end and Dr. Shepherd is being an ass about it," she said, rolling her eyes and beginning to eat her lunch.

"Dr. Shepherd? I wish I were working with him. At least there would be something to look at," Izzie said smiling.

"He's married!" George said, surprised at what Izzie had said.

"And?" Izzie asked, "Looking isn't a crime."

"He's not that great to look at while he's yelling at you," Meredith said, obviously still pissed off.

"Doubtful," Izzie responded simply.


	2. Looking isn't a sin

**So the first chapter mainly just set the story at the beginning of their intership. This story is a little lighter than some of the things I usually write, but I hope you all like it!**

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith said after finding the dark haired man leaning against a nurse's station, writing in a chart.

"Yes, Dr. Grey?" Derek said turning around and meeting her eyes.

Meredith quickly looked away. She hated when he looked at her. At least that's what she told herself, "I'm on another case now, and so you need to get another intern for Mrs. Jackson. I'm scrubbing in with Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Dr. Shepherd?" a man said walking down the hall, making both of them look his way, "Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt. I don't believe we've met," he said looking at Meredith, "I'm Dr. Mark Sloane, plastics."

"Meredith Grey," she said smiling and shaking his hand, "I'm just an intern."

"Just? Don't put yourself down. Us attendings would never get anything done without interns," he said with a small wink of the eye.

"Well thank you. I'm glad to meet you, but I've got to get going. I don't want to make any one mad at me on my first day," she said before hurrying away.

"Well, she's something, isn't she?" Mark said watching Meredith hurrying down the hall.

"What?" Derek asked, turning his head to pretend that he wasn't watching Meredith as well.

"She's gorgeous. And Grey? Any chance there's a relation to Ellis Grey?" Mark asked.

"Yeah."

"Yeah what? Yeah, she's gorgeous, or yeah she's related to Ellis Grey?" Mark asked, obviously interested in what Derek was going to say.

Derek uneasily opened his mouth to speak, but felt a hand on his shoulder and quickly turned around to see a smiling face, "Hey."

"Oh, hey," Derek said still a little uneasy to his wife.

"What are you all talking about?" Addison asked.

Derek was about to sum up some lie, when Mark stepped in, "We were talking about that intern, Grey. Any chance she's related to Ellis Grey?"

"Never thought about it," Addison said, "I just hope she's good like her mother. She's scrubbing in with me today."

"Actually, she's been on a case with me all day. I was going to have her scrub in on that. She's earned it," Derek said, almost wanting him to kick himself after saying it.

"Okay, she's probably more familiar with it anyways. I've been working with Dr. Stevens as well. I'm sure she'd be glad to scrub in," Addison said before kissing her husband on the cheek and walking down the hallway.

"What was that?" Mark asked.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Why did you just steel her intern?"

"I didn't steel her intern," Derek said.

"I think you've got a thing for the intern," Mark said smiling.

"A thing? No. I'm married."

"Looking isn't a sin," Mark said grinning before turning and leaving Derek alone.

* * *

**September 20, 2006- 11:45am**

"Where are you going?" Bailey said stopping her intern.

"I'm going to find Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. I'm scrubbing in with her in half an hour," Meredith said hesitantly, still not used to her threatening resident.

"No you aren't," she said surprising Meredith, "Stevens is on that case. You are scrubbing in with Dr. Shepherd downstairs."

"But, I just told him-"

"Why are you still here?" Bailey asked looking at her intern.

"Okay, sorry," she said uneasily before turning towards the elevators to get back down to neuro.

As Meredith got off the elevator, Derek was in the same spot that she had left him. She walked back over to him and he immediately looked up, but she quickly averted his eyes purposely, just as she had before. "Bailey said that I'm with you. Even though I just told you that I was with your wife."

"We just thought that it would be better to have you on the case that you've been on all day," Derek said as he closed the chart he'd been writing in and placed it where it belonged.

"We did? As in who?" Meredith asked.

"Dr. Montgomery and I," Derek said, once again wanting to kick himself for leaving his last name off of his wife's name. He couldn't figure out what he was doing.

"Isn't that Montgomery-Shepherd?" Meredith asked, pointing it out.

"Yes, but it's too long. I can't call her Dr. Shepherd, that's too confusing. Dr. Montgomery is easiest," Derek said, trying to convince her that he wasn't lying.

"So, she wanted me off the case even though she just put me on it?" Meredith asked.

"You ask too many questions," Derek said as he stopped at a patient's room and picked up the chart to review it quickly, "Just be happy that you get to scrub in on anything your first day."

"You must have figured it out."

"Figured what out?" Derek asked as he signed the chart and put it back.

"About my mother. I got special treatment from my teachers in school and during clinicals when they figured that out. You should really just stop. I'm not better than anyone else," Meredith said.

Derek smiled, "Don't doubt yourself."

Meredith was going to say that she didn't but didn't when Derek began to walk again. He would glance back every once in awhile and smile at her, which she quickly ignored. She didn't like his smiles. There was just something about them that made her believe that they could be considered very dangerous.


	3. Seattle Grace's Interns

**September 20, 2006- Noon**

Mark walked up to the gallery and watched as the intern he'd figured out was Isobel Stevens walked into the OR behind Addison. Addison quickly began to give out orders as they surgery began and a nervous intern used the scalpel. After that, Mark didn't really pay much attention to the actual surgery. His eyes began very focused on Addison. After all, looking isn't a sin, right?

* * *

**September 20, 2006 5pm**

"Do you always stare at your interns?" Meredith asked as she washed her hands in the scrub room.

"I'm not staring at you. I was reading that sign over there," Derek said as he washed his hands as well.

Meredith looked over to the wall that he had motioned towards and quickly read the sign, "You were reading a sign on the proper way to wash your hands?" she asked almost laughing.

"Always should refresh your memory," Derek said smiling as he turned off the water and walked over to the scrub room door.

"So you can remember how to operate on peoples brains, but not how to wash your hands?" Meredith asked.

"The mind is a mysterious thing," Derek said before walking into the OR. Meredith turned off her water and watched as the nurse's helped Derek with his gloves. Meredith realized that she was smiling and quickly dropped it. A married man? Was she really becoming that pathetic?

* * *

**September 20, 2006- 5:05pm**

"Hey, Der?" Mark said, stopping Derek as he walked out of the scrub room after his surgery.

"Yeah?"

"What are you and Addi doing tonight?" Mark asked.

Derek gently rubbed the back of his neck as he thought, "I don't think anything."

"Mind if I come over? We can hang out or something? My apartment is getting lonely since Sarah left," Mark said referring to his ex-girlfriend.

"Sure, just check with Addi. We might have something that I've completely forgotten about," Derek said before walking away.

* * *

**September 20, 2006- 8pm**

"So you guys have been here for what, a week? And you already know where the local bar is?" Meredith asked as she followed her fellow interns into the Emerald City Bar.

"We're all over 21 and single. Of course we know where a bar is," Izzie said.

"I'm not so sure, I saw those looks McDreamy was giving Meredith all day," Cristina said as they took their seats at the bar.

"McDreamy?" Meredith asked, slightly amused.

"Shepherd."

"He's married," Meredith said, forgetting that she was smiling.

"Didn't we already have this conversation at lunch?" George asked.

"Oh, you're just mad because if you joined in, we would know you are gay," Cristina said with a smirk.

"I'm not gay!" George said defensively before getting up from his barstool.

"You are so mean to him," Meredith said once he'd left.

"And?" Cristina asked as the bar tender walked up.

"Hmm, let me guess, you three are Seattle Grace's new interns?" he said.

"What gave it away?" Izzie asked.

"Most people who come here, work at the hospital and you three seem to be the only people who are still happy and awake. You must not realize what you've gotten yourselves into yet. Now I'm Joe, what can I get ya?"

"A shot of tequila," Meredith said.

"A beer," Cristina said.

"Same," Izzie chimed in before looking over at the wall, "Darts! I love darts, anyone wanna play?"

"Sure, I'll kick your ass," Cristina said after taking the beer from Joe's hand.

"The only ass being kicked around here will be yours, I'm awesome at darts," Izzie said as she jumped off her stool and led Cristina over towards the dartboard.

Meredith was smiling and watching them as she took her shot of tequila. When she turned back around a few minutes later to order another one, she hadn't noticed that someone had sat next to her.

"So now you stalk your interns?"


	4. Stalking

**September 20, 2006- 8:30pm**

Derek really didn't know what was going on. He couldn't get her off of his mind. He hadn't been this attracted to someone, well, since he met his wife. Wife. That's the woman he should be thinking of, but oddly he's not. He got out of his car and looked at his watch. He was already late and he was supposed to be home with Mark and Addi. For some reason, hanging out with them two didn't seem all that appealing. Besides, if he drank at home they would want to know why. What was he supposed to say? Tell them that he's trying to drink away the thoughts of a woman he just met?

Derek opened the door to the bar and his eyes immediately found golden brown hair sitting at the bar, taking a shot. She was watching two other interns he recognized over at the dartboard. Derek made his way over to her and sat down next to her. He was going to say something, but he loved her laugh and he didn't want her to stop. When she finally looked back towards him, she seemed a little surprised, but her face quickly softened to a smile as she spoke, "So now you stalk your interns."

"I'm not stalking you."

"This? This is stalking," she said smiling.

"Single malt scotch," Derek said to the bartender before turning his attention back to Meredith, "I'm not stalking you."

"Stop smiling like that."

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like you are thinking about taking advantage of me."

Derek laughed, "I'm not thinking about anything."

"Just stop it."

"Fine," Derek said trying to hide is smile.

"You suck at not smiling," Meredith said smiling as well, "You really should stop. You're married. And I have a boyfriend."

"A boyfriend? Really? This boyfriend of yours lets you go to bars alone and talk to stalking neurosurgeons?" Derek asked before taking a sip of his drink.

"Well, he trusts me."

"I think you're making him up."

Meredith smiled and raised an eyebrow, "Why would I be making up a boyfriend?"

"You're the one doing it."

"He's not made up. Like I said, he trusts me. Besides, I'm here with my friends and he's working. He's a vet," Meredith said.

"A vet?" Derek asked.

"Yes, a vet," Meredith said watching as Derek's expression changed, "Do you have a problem with vets?"

"Me? Of course not."

* * *

**September 20, 2006- 9pm**

"It's nine o'clock. He said he'd be home at six," Addison said worried as she paced around her living room.

"Addison, sit down. He probably just got called into surgery. Just calm down. We can have dinner without him," Mark said looking at his watch, "Well, dessert now."

"Why didn't he call? He used to call."

"Addison," Mark said grabbing her arm and pulling her to the couch, "Just calm down. You know sometimes we can't get away to call. Things just happen really quickly at the hospital sometimes."

Addison took a deep breath, "You're probably right."

"Of course I am. Now I'll get us some desert and some wine. Derek can join us when he gets off," Mark said getting up, leaving Addison in the living room.

* * *

**September 20, 2006- 10pm**

Meredith walked into her bedroom and fell on the bed. She felt like some crazy teenager infatuated with some schoolboy. Only this was different. Much Different. And complicated. Very complicated. She couldn't even figure out why she was attracted to him. After all, he was older than her. Obviously. Not that he looked older, but he was a known neurosurgeon and she was an intern. It was obvious that he was older than her. And he was married. Plus, she wasn't even single.

As that thought ran through her head her phone rang. She picked herself up and grabbed her purse that she'd dropped on her dresser and dug her phone out. She looked at the caller ID and it said Finn. She couldn't figure out why she was disappointed.

* * *

**September 20, 2006- 10:20pm**

Derek walked into his house and heard laughter from his living room. He shut the door and placed his brief case down as he heard his wife's footsteps running towards him. "I've been worried about you! What happened? You're four hours late!" she said as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Sorry, I had a surgery," he lied.

She almost believed him until she kissed him, "You have alcohol on your breath," she said accusingly.

"I stopped at Joe's afterwards. I thought you two might of stopped there. I just grabbed a scotch a left," Derek said as he hung his coat up, "I think I'm going to go up to bed."

Derek headed upstairs and her behind, almost not caring whether she doubted his story or not. He heard Mark leave and then Addison's footsteps again as he got into bed. As he drifted off to sleep, he felt his wife's arms around him and he couldn't help but wish they were someone else's.


	5. The Boyfriend

**September 21, 2006- 2pm**

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek turned around and smiled at the woman walking towards him, "Derek. Call me Derek."

She smiled, "Okay, Derek. Some friends and me were going to meet at Joe's tonight. I was just wondering if you wanted to join us," she said a little shyly and then quickly recovered with, "You and your wife, of course."

Derek was a little upset by the mentioning of his wife, but tried to hide it, "Sure, I'll check with Addison."

"Okay," Meredith said relaxing a little. For some reason, since last night at the bar, she couldn't tear her eyes away from his. She just got lost in his eyes and forgot about everything else in the world. That is until her phone rang.

She gave him an apologetic look and flipped open her phone without looking at the caller id.

"Hello?" she said in a questioning tone until she heard the response, "Oh, hey."

"Tonight at 8, okay?" she said a few moments later.

"Okay, bye, I'll see you soon," as she closed her phone and looked back up at Derek, the smile that she'd found while on the phone disappeared. He'd been watching her.

"Who was that?"

"No one," she said picking up a chart.

"Really? I don't think your boyfriend would like it very much if you called him no one," Derek said watching Meredith fiddle around with her charts.

"No one said it was my boyfriend."

"Well it was a guy."

Meredith stopped, "How would you know?"

"You might not look at your caller-id, but it said Finn. Last time I checked, Finn was a guy's name," he said smiling before walking away, "I'll see you later, Dr. Grey."

"Oh, I saw that," Cristina said in a childish tone, breaking Meredith's trance of watching Derek walk away.

"What?" she asked, playing it off.

"That. Between you and McDreamy."

Meredith picked up her charts and began to walk down the hall, "There was nothing between me and Derek. And stop calling him McDreamy."

"Oh, so now you are on a first name basis with him?" Cristina asked, interested.

"He's my coworker. Besides, he's coming with us tonight," Meredith said receiving a questioning glance from Cristina, "With his wife."

"Sure, whatever," Cristina said as she began to walk away, "Oh and by the way, he's not your coworker. He's your boss!"

* * *

**September 21, 2006- 8pm**

"What do you want, Mer?"

"Just a beer right now," Meredith said as she turned her attention back to her friends who were all around the table.

"I can't believe you seriously invited our boss," Izzie said as she took a sip of beer.

"What? We're friends. Friends go out together," Meredith said as she glanced back at the door for the millionth time that evening.

"Just friends?" Cristina asked doubtfully.

"Why are you guys acting like this?" Meredith asked.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm lying. I've known him for three days."

"You've known us for three days," Izzie bluntly pointed out.

"Yeah, but I've spent about sixty-eight of the last seventy-two hours with you guys and only a few with him. There's a difference," Meredith replied.

"Here you go."

Meredith looked up, "Thanks," she said as she took her beer from the man sitting down next to her and placing his arm loosely around the back of her chair.

"So what were you guys talking about?"

September 21, 2006- 4pm 

"Hey, Der?"

"I can't talk, I have surgery right now," Derek said trying to get away from Mark.

"It'll be quick," Mark said stopping Derek, "I was just wondering if you wanted to get together again tonight since you got pulled into surgery last night."

"Sure, whatever," Derek said as he hurried past Mark without even thinking.

Half way down the hall, Derek stopped and looked back for Mark, remembering that he was meeting Meredith. He turned to go back to look for Mark, but his pager went off and he rushed into surgery.

* * *

**September 21, 2006-8pm**

"Nothing," Meredith said quickly eyeing her friends so that they would shut up.

"So, who else is meeting us here?" Finn asked.

"Just another couple from work," Meredith said, "Derek and Addison Shepherd." That sounded weird. She didn't like saying their names together. It didn't sound right.

"Look who decided to show up," Cristina said nodding towards the door. Everyone looked over to the front of the bar as Derek looked around, finally locking eyes with Meredith. They both smiled until his eyes went down to the arm wrapped around her chair. He walked across the bar towards them and took the empty seat next to Meredith.

"Where's the wife?" Cristina asked before any introductions were made.

"She's stuck at the hospital," Derek said as he smiled over at Meredith.

"This is my boyfriend, Finn," Meredith said as Derek's smile quickly disappeared and he uneasily shook Finn's hand.

"Finn Dandridge."

"Derek Shepherd."


	6. Gag Me

**September 21, 2006- 8pm**

"Hey Mark," Addison said as she opened her front door.

"Any sign of him?" Mark asked as he slipped out of his leather jacket.

"Nope," Addison said shutting and locking the door.

"It'll get better, Addi. I promise. He's probably just going through something right now. Der has always been a pain in the ass like that," Mark said as they walked into the living room.

"At least I have you here."

* * *

**September 21, 2006- 8:15pm**

"So how did you two meet?" Izzie asked, breaking the silence that had settled in after introductions.

"We met here, actually," Finn said.

"What do you do for a living?" Cristina asked. She apparently wanted to know a little bit about him before she decided that she could accept him.

"I have a veterinarian clinic."

Cristina looked both surprised and disappointed, "A vet? Mer, you are dating a vet?"

"What is wrong with a vet?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing," Cristina said unconvincingly as she got up from the table and headed over to the bar.

"What do you do, Derek?" Finn asked.

"I'm a neurosurgeon."

"He's our boss," Izzie pointed out.

"Isn't it a little weird to be hanging out with your boss?" Finn asked as Cristina came back over to the table with a fresh beer.

She sat back down a took a swig, "That's what I said."

"I need another drink, so I'll be right back," Meredith said standing up and walking away from the table.

"Excuse me," Finn said politely as he walked off to the bathroom.

Derek looked between Izzie and Cristina, "I need a drink."

After everyone was gone, Izzie looked over at Cristina, "Do people normally get up and leave when you come to the table or is this the first time?"

"Shut up."

"Look at them," Izzie said.

Cristina looked over in the direction Izzie's attention was held on. They were both looking at the bar where Meredith was standing. Derek walked behind her and whispered something in her ear making her laugh as she waited for her drink. They continued talking, but Cristina and Izzie unfortunately couldn't hear them. Meredith threw in her head back in laugher once and Derek's eyes just sparkled at the sight of her.

"Talk about love at first sight," Izzie said as she sipped her drink.

"Gag me," Cristina muttered getting back to her beer.

* * *

**September 21, 2006- Midnight**

"It's midnight," Addison muttered as the television screen flashed random images into the dark room.

"I know," Mark said, taking careful note of the sadness in Addison's voice and eyes as she relaxed against the arm of her couch.

"Where is he? I've paged him. He isn't answering," Addison said as a tear rolled down her eye.

Mark wrapped his arm around her, "I don't know, Addi. I don't know."

_One day these thoughts will come together,  
One day this shit will work out fine.  
It's just like they said it, but it seems like forever,  
Yes i'm distorted a blur in your mind,  
And the ever race you run, it's only with yourself.  
Overcome the obstacles you just you need you,  
Nobody else_

* * *

**September 21, 2006- 12:30am**

"Where were you?" Cristina asked as Meredith walked up the steps of her house.

"I was getting a ride home."

"Izzie and I got here thirty minutes ago and we've just been sitting out here. Where the hell have you been?"

Meredith put her keys in the door and opened it, letting them in, "You sound like my mother."

"Well what happened?" Izzie asked.

"Finn's car broke down and Derek gave us rides. He dropped Finn off and then brought me here," Meredith said innocently as she dropped off her purse and headed to the stairs, "Since you guys want to stay here tonight, you can stay in the guest rooms. There are three."

Izzie and Cristina watched as she walked up the stairs, "We are definitely missing something," Cristina pointed out.

"Yeah."

* * *

**September 21, 2006- 12:30am**

Meredith fell down on her bed and smiled at the ceiling. She knew she was driving her friends crazy. She also knew that they were going to force an explanation out of her. She still had that crazy feeling that she had the night before. Like she was a teenager infatuated with some schoolboy.

She rolled over and her eyes met the doorway that was occupied by her friends with expectant looks on their faces. She knew she looked as though she'd just gotten lucky or something, but she couldn't get the smile off of her face.

She'd never felt like this before. After all, nothing did happen. It was just nice conversation and their fingers brushed against each other. It's not like it was on purpose. At least not on her part anyways. The electricity that passed? That definitely wasn't her fault either. She just had never felt this way before.

_Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you  
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you  
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it  
So tell me  
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you  
_

* * *

**September 21, 2006- 1am**

Derek quietly walked into his house and heard the faint noise of the television and the flashing lights. He walked into his living room and found Addison curled up on the side of the couch asleep with a blanket draped over her. Mark sat next to her looking up at Derek for an explanation.

"Sorry," Derek whispered.

"Don't say sorry to me. Say it to your wife," Mark said as he stood up, "After you carry her upstairs to bed."

Derek nodded and led Mark to the door, "Thanks for staying with her."

"It's fine, but I hope I don't have to do it again. She's great Derek. Don't push her away. What ever has gotten in to you, really needs to stop," Mark said before turning down the steps and heading out towards his car.

Derek closed the door and looked up at the ceiling, thinking about the events of the night. He shut off his thoughts after a few moments and walked back into the living room. He turned off the television and picked up his wife of eleven years, carrying her upstairs.

Addison woke up when Derek got home. She just decided to pretend like she was sleeping. She watched as Derek looked up at the ceiling as though he was looking for guidance. Almost as though he had a choice to make. She wasn't completely sure why, but it left a bad feeling in her stomach. As he wrapped his arms around her and led her up to their bedroom, for some reason, he felt distant. Like he didn't want to be there.

_There's always something in the way  
There's always something getting through  
But it's not me  
It's You_


	7. The Lies Begin

**September 22, 2006- 5am**

"I still can't believe you are dating a vet," Cristina said as her and the other interns followed Bailey around, "And you brought him out with a bunch of surgeons."

"Since when are vets not aloud to be with surgeons?" Meredith asked.

"Since vets aren't really doctors," Cristina said.

"And since the surgeon he's with is completely hooked on another surgeon," Izzie added smiling.

"I'm not hooked on anyone," Meredith said.

"Yet you have boyfriend?" Izzie pointed out.

"We've only been out a few times. I'm still deciding about him," Meredith said, "And just drop the thing about McDreamy. He's married."

"That didn't stop you too last night," Cristina teased.

"Nothing happened last night! Derek was just there. That's it," Meredith said as she turned the corner.

"Derek was where?" Mark asked, over hearing the last part of their conversation.

"What?" Meredith asked, a little caught off guard.

"You said that 'Derek was just there.' Where was Derek?" Mark asked again.

"At Joe's. The bar up the street last night," Meredith answered, a little unsure of where this conversation was heading.

"Oh," Mark said brushing it off as if it was nothing, "That makes sense."

He walked away, leaving Meredith a little stunned, "That was weird."

"I'm beginning to think everyone in this hospital is a little weird," Izzie added.

* * *

**September 22, 2006- 7am**

"We should talk about, well, last night," Addison said as she walked into the hospital with her husband. They weren't holding hands. No physical contact. None all morning. Was she all that surprised? No.

"There's nothing to talk about. I just had to work late, Addi," Derek said as he hit the button on the elevator.

"You just, well, you didn't smell right," Addison said realizing afterwards how stupid that sounded.

"Smell? I work in a hospital. I forgot to put my cologne on yesterday morning and then was stuck in this hospital for over twelve hours. Of course I didn't smell right," Derek said as he walked into the elevator.

"You've done that before and you still smelled like, well, you," Addison continued.

"This is seriously, the stupidest fight we've ever had."

"It isn't a fight," Addison said. More hoping that she was right than actually believing her own words.

"Fine, it's a disagreement. Just trust me, I didn't smell like anything. If I did, I would have known," Derek said. Once he looked away from Addison, the fake smile he'd been wearing disappeared. He knew what he'd smelled like. He had smelt like Meredith.

Addison got off on the third floor and Derek waited for the fourth. As he stepped off the elevator, he turned in the direction of his office, coming face to face with Mark.

"Hey, Mark," Derek said as he continued walking down the hall.

"Where were you last night?" Mark asked a little more forcefully then he had planned.

"Here, why?" Derek asked.

"Don't lie."

"Why would I lie?" Derek asked.

"Maybe you should ask yourself that question," Mark said before walking away.


	8. Freaking Out

**September 22, 2006- 7:30am**

Meredith followed the rest of the interns out of a patient's room. She was struggling to keep up. After getting home at midnight, she couldn't fall asleep, resulting in two hours of sleep the night before. And to make things worse, she had a headache. As she stepped in a steady rhythm, she unexpectedly felt someone grab her arm and pull her across the hallway into an empty stairwell.

"Did you talk to Mark?" Derek asked.

"What?" Meredith asked completely confused. If she was going to be dragged into an empty stairwell by McDreamy, she really didn't want to be involved in much of a conversation.

"Mark. Did you talk to him?" Derek asked.

"He just asked me where you were last night because he overheard Cristina, Izzie, and I talking. I just told him you were at Joe's with us," Meredith answered, not completely understanding the worried look on his face.

"Shit," he muttered.

"Derek? What are you freaking out about? Nothing happened," Meredith said calmly.

"Meredith, you were drunk last night. If you remember any of it, I'd be surprised," Derek said before walking out of the stairwell leaving Meredith a little confused. But she figured it made sense. After all, it did account for the headache she hasn't been able to get rid of.

* * *

**September 22, 2006- 8am**

"What happened last night?" Meredith asked stopping Cristina in the hallway.

"You got drunk and came home all smiley," Cristina said as if she was disgusted.

"No, what happened at the bar."

"You really don't remember, do you?" Cristina asked almost finding humor in the situation.

"No, I don't and now Derek is freaking out. What happened?" Meredith insisted.

"You were just a little friendly with him," Cristina said with a smirk on her face.

"What about Finn?" Meredith asked.

"What about him? He's stupid. He didn't even realize."

* * *

**September 22, 2006- 8:15am**

"Derek, you don't get to do that to me," Meredith said stopping Derek in the hall, "You don't get to freak out and tell me I was drunk and then not tell me exactly what happened."

"Nothing."

"Then why are you freaking out?" Meredith asked.

Derek looked around and saw a few people looking at them. He pulled her into an empty conference room, "Nothing physically happened between us, but I doubt my wife is going to believe that. You get it right?"

"So my other boss is going to think I'm having an affair with her husband? Great," Meredith said sarcastically.

"It's my fault," Derek said feeling guilty as he turned away from Meredith.

"How?" Meredith asked.

"I shouldn't even of been there last night," Derek said, with his back still towards Meredith.

"She knew where you were, didn't she? I mean, I invited both of you," Meredith said.

Derek turned around and looked at Meredith. They were close. Very close. She could feel his hot breath against her skin and his eyes examining every curve of her body perfectly. She didn't know what to do. She knew what she wanted to do, but she couldn't. She just couldn't.

Derek finally locked eyes with her and clenched his fists, fighting away the feelings going through his body. He didn't want to, but he forced himself to turn away from her and walk out the room. Leaving her breathless and even more lost then she had been to begin with.

_And you're actin' suprised  
Oh, all of the time  
Into your charms  
Slips my life_


	9. Stop the Flirting

**September 22, 2006- 11am**

"Dr. Grey? Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Meredith looked up from the chart in her hands and down the hallway. She saw Mark motioning for her to come over to him. She closed the chart and placed it down before walking over to him, "What do you need?"

"A few things actually," Mark said, "I need you to get my labs back for 1232, 1423, 2313, and 2312. I also need you to do my post op notes on 2324 and stop flirting with Shepherd."

Meredith quickly wrote down the numbers he was saying and stopped at the last comment. She looked up at him, "What?"

"He's married and you don't need to cause more problems for yourself," Mark said simply, "Just stay away from him."

"I don't understand."

"I'm not stupid. You two don't really hide it very well, which is bad if you were planning on having an affair. I don't think it would have lasted very long," Mark said as though he was talking about nothing.

"I wasn't going to have an affair with anyone. For your information, I am already taken and it isn't by Derek," she said defensively.

"Just watch it. Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd doesn't deserve it," Mark said before walking away.

* * *

**September 22, 2006-6:30pm**

Addison sat down at the dinning room table. Third night a row. What a surprise, right? She was sitting alone. There was a place setting in front of her and across from her: the seat where her husband belonged. She sighed and slowly began to eat her food silently until there was a knock on the door.

She placed her fork down and walked across the house towards the door. When she opened it, she saw Mark who immediately read her sad look. "Where is he?"

"Hospital, I guess," she said as she let him in.

"He's so stupid. He doesn't realize what he's got. I swear, I'd give anything to have a wife like you waiting for me at home every night. Wanting to be with me and only me. He just doesn't get it," Mark said as he walked into the living room.

Addison was a little surprised at what he'd said as she joined him on the couch, "It's not his fault. We've just, well, I don't know, but something must have happened between us."

"It's not you Addison," Mark said forcing Addison to look at him, "You haven't done anything wrong."

Addison hid her face from him for a moment as her tears finally fell: the tears that she'd been hiding for weeks. "Yes I have, I must have done something. Husbands don't just stop being interested in their wives. It doesn't happen like that. He's been pushing me away for months now. I just don't get it."

Mark grabbed Addison's face and once again forced her to look at him, "Addison, you are a beautiful, smart, amazing woman. He is crazy for ever taking the chance of losing you. Nothing in this world is better then what he has sitting right here and he doesn't even realize it."

* * *

**September 22, 2006- 5:45pm**

Derek watched Meredith. He knew he didn't have any right to, but he found himself unable to take his eyes off of her. Again. She was working with a nine-year-old patient. She was so gentle with her. It made Derek smile without even realizing it.

He watched as she joked with the little girl, making her smile and comforted the parents who were scared out of their minds. Medically, she had done every single thing right. Not very surprising, he could already tell that she was going to make an amazing doctor. But her bedside manner was something that not everyone had. She was just doing everything perfectly.

As Derek watched her, he couldn't help but notice how her hair was glowing and her eyes were sparkling, just because she was happy. Her smile was radiating through the patient's room and that alone made the atmosphere so much better. He just couldn't take his eyes off of her.

She finally finished up and walked out of the room. She walked over to the nurse's station and began to write a few things down in the chart. He loved how her hair fell perfectly and she'd absently push it away. And how her eyebrows raised and her forehead slightly wrinkled when she was thinking hard.

She finally closed the chart and placed it exactly where is belonged. She checked on a few other charts before walking down the hall towards Derek. As soon as she noticed that he was there, she gave him a disapproving look and walked the other way.

Derek just sighed. Could he really blame her? He'd just walked out on her without a word of explanation.

* * *

**September 22, 2006- 6:45**

Addison was shocked. No one had said such wonderful things to her in a very long time. Especially a man. Derek had stopped paying attention to her a long time ago. She was just now forcing herself to realize it.

She let go of her thoughts of Derek as her eyes looked deeply into Mark's. Every word he'd said seemed so sincere. Then, she began to recognize the fact that Mark was the one that had been at her side for the last month. He'd been there since Derek stopped. Actually, he'd been there when she had had Derek as well.

Every clear thought in her head was going away. She just couldn't think properly while looking at him like this, feeling his hand on her face. Before she even tried to process what she was about to do, she closed her eyes along with the small gap still between her and Mark.

She kissed him gently at first, but wrapped his arms around her, making it more intense. Addison lost herself in the kiss for a few minutes, but forced herself to pull away. She jumped up and her eyes widen as her mind finally decided to work. She looked at Mark and then around her house. The house that she shared with her husband. The husband she'd just cheated on.

She looked back at Mark and then turned around, heading towards the front door. She grabbed her purse and ran down her front steps, ignoring the calls and pleads from Mark the entire way.


	10. Falling

**September 22, 2006-7pm**

"Meredith? Meredith, wait," Derek said walking out of the hospital. He could see Meredith ahead of him, heading towards her car.

She looked back at him, but kept walking. He jogged up to her and stopped her. "Mer, we should talk."

"No, we shouldn't," she said walking past him.

He gently grabbed her arm and pulled her back, "Then just let me talk."

"No," she said shaking away his grip, "You listen. This is wrong. This is wrong on so many levels. I haven't even known you for a week and I can't get you out of my mind, which is really weird for me and you are married. That just makes it that much worse, so no, we shouldn't talk. You should go home to your wife and I should just go home. We should pretend that nothing whether emotional or physical ever happened and just move on with our lives, okay?"

Both Meredith and Derek were a little shocked by her out pour. Meredith couldn't believe that she had just admitted to falling for a married man and Derek couldn't believe that she felt the same as he did. She turned around and walked away. She walked away because she was scared out of her mind and even a little embarrassed. Derek just let her. He let her because, honestly, what right did he have to stop her?

* * *

**September 22, 2006-7:30**

Derek walked into his house and didn't acknowledge the noise coming from the living room. He walked straight up the stairs and towards his office. He didn't want to go to his bedroom, the bedroom he shared with his wife. He walked in and collapsed on the couch.

He was still a little shocked by everything that Meredith had said. He was as confused as she was. He'd never fallen this fast before. Not even with Addison. With Addison they were friends for years before they started dating. But Meredith, there is just something about her. Something that just kept drawing him towards her. He couldn't figure it out.

But now, now he's lost her. The sad thing is that she never was his to lose, but somehow he'd managed it anyways. She just wanted to move on. Supposedly, it'd be for the best, right? He'd fix his marriage and she'd stay with the vet. The only problem was, he couldn't honestly say that that was what he wanted.

_Theres no escape  
So keep me safe  
This feels so unreal_

* * *

**September 22, 2006-8pm**

Meredith sat on her bed facing Izzie. "I can't believe I did that. I am so stupid."

"Could you tell us what you did already or are you just going to ramble on all night?" Cristina asked from the other side of the room. She was obviously impatient.

"I told a married man that I was basically falling for him," Meredith said as she threw herself backwards on the bed and covered her face with a pillow.

"Oh," Izzie replied.

"Sucks," Cristina added.

"And that's not even the worst part," she mumbled into her pillow.

"What's worse then that?" Izzie asked.

"I think I actually am," Meredith said, taking the pillow off her face.

"Yup, that'd be worse," Cristina concluded.

Meredith looked up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to figure out what to do before saying anything else, "It's okay though. I've only known him for a few days. It can't take long to get over a guy you barely know, right?" Meredith asked, looking for conformation.

"Sure," Izzie said unconvincingly.

Meredith sighed, "Then why do I feel like I just dumped a guy I've been with for years?"

"Because you were falling for him," Izzie said as Meredith covered her face in the pillow again, deciding that she didn't have the energy to deal with this right now.

_Don't know how  
but I'll get by  
Slowly pull myself together_


	11. Expectation

**September 23, 2006-5am**

Meredith walked out of the locker room, feeling even more tired then she had when she'd left. She had been completely restless last night, despite the fact that her friends had passed out before ten.

"Alright, Yang and Stevens, same people as yesterday, Karev you're with the She-Shepherd, O'Malley you are down in the pit," Bailey said as they scattered away. Meredith knew what was coming, but she began to pray that she was wrong, "Grey, Shepherd requested you."

Meredith stumbled away from Bailey and headed for the elevator. She crossed her arms and rested her tired body against the wall as she waited for it to open. Once it did, she stood up a little straighter as a few people walked out. She headed in, seeing the only person inside.

He looked up and saw Meredith who was walking towards him, her eyes directed at the floor. She pressed the 4th floor button and stepped backwards, leaning against the back wall. Although he couldn't meet her eyes, he studied her. She seemed worn out. Her body looked weak and tired. When she finally did look towards him, her face was pale and her pupils were so light, they were almost clear.

She looked at him for a few seconds. He seemed fine. He looked the same way he had every other day. He looked strong and confident. Not lost, which the exact way she felt. She knew she'd have to talk to him eventually, but she didn't want to do it just yet. After all, what would she say?

The elevator doors opened and Meredith stepped out, ready to walk away, even though she didn't have anything to walk away to. As the doors began to close, Derek stepped up and reached out his hand, stopping her, "Meredith."

He stepped out and let the doors close behind him as she turned around. Her eyes were confused and full of expectation. She didn't know what to expect, after all, she didn't except him to stop her. He looked down at her, not saying a word, which scared her even more.

Derek looked away and refocused his mind before looking back towards her, her eyes now shot down at the floor. "Did Bailey assign you to me?"

"Yes," she said, looking back up, but not at him.

"Good, go ahead and prep Mr. Dixon in 2314," Derek said before brushing past her and walking away.

Meredith's eyes followed him as her hand covered the place on her arm that he'd just mistakenly touched. Even though she didn't know what to expect, she knew she was disappointed. She must have expected more. More out of him.

* * *

**September 23, 2006-6am**

Meredith did as she was told and then headed for the scrub room. When she walked in, she saw Derek washing his hands. She looked away from him and grabbed a mask, tying it and leaving it hanging around her neck. She turned on the water as she lathered her hands in soap.

Derek watched her, repeating the actions he'd just completed. His hands had been clean even before she'd gotten there, but he wanted a reason to be around her, even if it was only for a little bit longer.

She finally turned off the water and looked up at him, meeting his eyes unexpectedly. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it, looking away. Derek could see her forehead wrinkling in thought. She looked back over at him and opened her mouth again, "About last night-"

"Meredith, it's okay. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Derek said, turning off his water as well.

"No, it's just, well, I don't do things like that," she said confusing Derek a little, "I don't open up to people and tell them things. But I told you things and I, I barely know you."

"It's okay, Meredith, if you are worried that I'll tell someone, I won't."

"No, it's not that. It's well, never mind," Meredith said as she turned around and walked into the OR, trying to escape that situation as easily as possible.

Derek rested his hand on the sink and brought his other hand towards his head, rubbing it. He was so confused. He didn't want to admit to what was really happening, what he was really feeling.

_Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows?  
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down?  
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down?  
Where does the good go? Where does the good go?_


	12. Talk

**September 23, 2006-6am**

Derek headed into the OR, only glancing at Meredith once, hoping to not make her feel uncomfortable. He knew that she really should pay attention to this surgery. After all, this was only her first aneurysm clipping. As he began the surgery, he got an idea, "Dr. Grey?"

Meredith looked up from the body at the table, "Yes, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Come here," he said as he moved over a little, making room for her. She was a little hesitant at first. She looked around and everyone's eyes told her to go. She unfolded her arms and slowly walked across the room.

"Take this," he said into her ear handing a tool towards her. Once again, she was a little hesitant, but she grasped the tool, and awaited further direction. "Now, you see that there?" he asked as he pointed something out with another tool. As she nodded, he slowly placed his left hand on the small of her back, "Now, take the tool," he said as he wrapped his hand around hers to guide her, "Wrap the coil around the aneurysm," he said as she tried not to focus on his hot breath against her skin.

* * *

**September 23, 2006-11am**

_Cryptic words meander  
Now there is a song beneath the song  
One day you'll learn  
You'll soon discern its true meaning  
An interesting detachment  
A listless poem of love sincere  
Desire, despair  
Overlapping melodies_

Once everything was done and Derek let go of her hand, she relaxed almost immediately. He had no idea how much he'd been torturing her. She pulled off her gloves and hurried into the scrub room. She ripped off her mask and began to roughly wash her hands. She wasn't really sure why she was mad, but anger had to be what she was feeling.

Derek walked into the scrub room, but she didn't acknowledge him. He began to wash his hands calmly as she finished up and dried hers. As she headed towards the door, he turned the water off and looked towards her, "Mer?"

Meredith turned around without thinking, "Yeah?"

"It's not just you."

She didn't respond, but Derek watched as her forehead wrinkled and he had to hide a smile. He loved it when she did that. He dried off his hands and walked past her before she spoke, "What?"

He leaned towards her and whispered into her ear, "I can't get you out of my head either." Without another glance, he turned around and walked out, the door swinging closed behind him. Meredith was stunned.

_And it's not a love, it's not a love  
It's not a love, it's not a love song_

_

* * *

_

**September 23, 2006-5pm**

"Derek?"

Derek turned around and saw the last person he'd expected to see, the last person he wanted to see, "Addison."

"I checked the board, you're free for the rest of the night. I thought maybe we could spend the night at home. Just the two of us. We haven't spent much time together lately," Addison said, praying that he'd agree.

Derek knew he didn't have a way to get out of this. She was right; he didn't have any surgeries tonight. He actually had time to be somewhere other than the hospital. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, accidentally showing his reluctance, "Yeah, sure."

"Okay, I'll meet you downstairs in fifteen minutes!" Addison said excitedly before hurrying away from Derek.

* * *

**September 23, 2006-5:10pm**

Meredith knew she was going to regret this. Of course she would. She was about to do something that most would consider stupid. And she was sure that afterwards she'd agree with them, leading to the regretfullness, but this is how she's been doing things lately, so oh well.

"Derek?"

Derek turned around and saw Meredith. He'd already changed and she had too. She looked beautiful. She wasn't wearing anything spectacular or any different then she usually did, but it was amazing to Derek. "Yeah?" he asked walking closer to her.

"I think, we should, well, talk," she stammered out, "About, well, everything. Like tonight. We could go for a drink or something and just figure everything out."

Derek could tell that she was nervous. He thought it was cute: the way she fidgeted with her fingers against her jeans while her other hand continued to grasp her purse handle tightly. Everything in him was telling him to just go. Go and be with her. "I, I umm-"

"Derek!" a voice from behind Meredith interrupted them. Meredith turned around as Derek redirected his eyesight. They both caught a glance of Addison walking towards them before they turned back towards each other.

"Oh, I understand," Meredith said as she walked past Derek.

Derek quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him. "Tomorrow. Tomorrow night, we can talk."

Meredith looked away from him and shook her head, "No. I get it, I was just being stupid. I get it," she said trying to pull her arm away from him.

Derek didn't loosen his grasp on her, "Please, tomorrow."

Meredith looked up at him and saw the sincerity and hopefulness in his eyes. She knew she couldn't make herself decline that. She sighed and relaxed as Derek let go of her, "Fine."

"Thank you," Derek said as Addison caught up to them and Meredith began to walk away. She looked back and saw them walking together. A tear ran down her face and she wiped it away, wondering why it was there and ignoring the fact that she knew. After all, she was going home alone, but he still got to go with his wife.

_I hear the crystal raindrops fall  
On the window down the hall  
And it becomes the morning dew  
Darling, when the morning comes  
And I see the morning sun  
I want to be the one with you_


	13. Complicated Changes

**September 23, 2006-6pm**

Addison fell on the couch and turned the television on as Derek rummaged through the kitchen. She wrapped a blanket around her body and smiled. He was home, with her, and it was actually a decent time. She could barely remember the last time this happened. When Derek finally came over to the couch, he sat down on the opposite side, leaving enough room for an entire person between them.

Addison thought for a moment that he knew about Mark. Maybe Mark had said something accidentally, but she knew Mark would never do anything like that. And if he had, Derek wouldn't be sitting there right now. She watched him as he sipped his beer and stared at the television, as if he was actually interested in what was on.

Addison tried to figure out how they got like this. They'd been married for eleven years and she used to think that things wouldn't change, that they'd be the way they were the day they got married. They used to be crazy about each other and nothing in the world mattered more then for them to be together. They'd get in trouble in the hospital for unprofessionally, but they didn't care.

Now, they never saw each other in the hospital. They barely saw each other at home either. He never came up behind her and stole a kiss like he used to. He barely ever tried to kiss her. He'd become distant. He'd become someone else. She didn't know how or why, all she knew was that apparently things don't stay the same. Everything changes and he had too.

_It must have been love but it's over now  
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow  
It must have been love, but its over now  
From the moment we touched till the time had run out  
Yeah.. It must have been love, but it's over now  
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without  
It must have been love but it's over now_

* * *

**September 23, 2006-7pm**

"Answer that stupid phone or I'm going to throw it out the window!" Cristina hollered from the bathroom as she brushed her teeth.

Meredith didn't even know she was there. She stood up and walked out into the hallway and saw Izzie as well, "Did you guys just move in here and not tell me or something?"

"Basically," Cristina said.

Meredith looked towards Izzie, "It was Cristina's idea."

Meredith rolled her eyes and walked back into her room. She looked over at her nightstand where her cell phone was blinking, ringing, and vibrating all at the same time. It had been doing that all night. She'd look at the caller-id, but never picked it up.

"Okay, who the hell has been calling you all night?" Cristina said as she walked in, teeth finished being brushed.

"No one," Meredith mumbled as she got back under the covers.

Cristina walked over to the nightstand and grabbed the cell phone. She ended the call to shut up the phone before looking at the caller-id, "You are avoiding your boyfriend? What is wrong with you?" Cristina asked before shutting off the phone and tossing it behind her.

"Don't throw that," Meredith said once she heard the phone drop against the floor.

"Just be happy it's still in the house," Cristina said as Izzie, who had been standing in the doorway, walked further in the room.

"Mer, why are you avoiding him?" she asked sincerely.

"He's not my boyfriend," she said before rolling over so that she was no longer facing them.

"Which guy are we talking about?" Izzie asked Cristina.

"The one she was actually dating. Not the one she was supposedly 'falling for' or whatever," Cristina said, she obviously wasn't very interested in romance.

Izzie sat down on the bed next to Meredith, "Mer, he at least deserves an explanation. He didn't do anything wrong."

"Except for calling non-stop," Cristina muttered under her breath.

"I don't care. Right now, all I want to do is lie here. Lie here and wait for tomorrow night. Actually, I don't even care about tomorrow night. All that that is going to do is make me want to lie in this bed that much longer. I'm just never going to get up," Meredith stated.

"Tomorrow night?" Izzie asked Cristina, hoping she knew what Meredith was talking about.

"I'm meeting Derek," Meredith filled in, knowing that neither knew.

"Why?" Cristina asked.

"Because we are going to 'talk.'"

"Oh fun," Cristina said sarcastically before leaving the room.

"Mer, just do the right thing. Nothing you'd regret," Izzie whispered before getting up and leaving as well.

That was the bad part. Meredith knew what she felt was right and what she felt was wrong. She also knew what was actually right and actually wrong. Only, where Derek is considered, they were two very different things. She wanted to be with him. She finally admitted it to herself completely. But she knew that that was what Izzie was talking about. Would one night of happiness really be worth it? He'd just go back to his wife anyways. Then she'd end up regretting it.

Meredith rolled over and tried to block out thoughts of Derek. Who was she kidding? That wasn't going to happen. Great, now she was dreaming about a married man. That's just wonderful. She might not have wanted to admit it, but secretly, she was wishing that Derek was lying in his bed thinking of her as well. Life was becoming much more complicated then it was last week.

_Do I ever cross your mind, anytime  
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me  
Do I ever cross your mind anytime  
I miss you_


	14. Haunting

**September 21, 2006- 8:30**

_"For an overworked surgeon, you clean up pretty well," Meredith joked._

_"What do I look that horrible in the hospital?" Derek asked as Meredith took another shot._

_"Maybe not, but I guess with as much alcohol as I have in me, everyone is starting to look better," Meredith laughed._

_"Then maybe you should slow down," Derek suggested._

_"Now where is the fun in that?" Meredith asked._

_"The part where you don't have a hangover and you can remember this tomorrow," Derek laughed as he took a sip of his beer._

_"I think I'm way past the chance of not having a hangover, but you'd be surprised at what I can remember," Meredith said taking another shot of tequila._

_"At least switch your poison to something a little less deadly," Derek said handing her a beer._

_"Fine," she said reluctantly as she took the beer._

_"So where did your boyfriend go?" Derek asked looking around._

_"Now why would you bring him up? Seriously?"_

_"What? He is your boyfriend."_

_Meredith rolled her eyes, "Fine, then let's talk about your wife."_

_"Point taken," Derek said taking another sip as Meredith noticeably moved closer to him, "I think you are drunk."_

_"I can hold my alcohol pretty well. I'm still thinking clearly," she said, knowing that he was talking about the fact that their legs were now touching, not very subtly. _

_"Really?" Derek asked looking at her eyes._

_"Yes," she said returning his gaze as their hands touched under the table._

* * *

**September 24, 2006-3am**

Derek woke up and rubbed his eyes. People were right when they talked about things haunting your dreams. She was definitely haunting his. He didn't have that much of a problem with it until he looked next to him and saw red hair. Then he began to feel a little disappointed. That was another problem. He wasn't feeling guilty. Just disappointed.

* * *

**September 24, 2006-7pm**

Meredith was assigned to Dr. Burke for the day and pretty much went through it in a daze. She just kept thinking about what was going to happen that night. She wasn't really sure if she even wanted to know, but she just kept hoping that it was going to be something good.

"Dr. Burke? I finished the post op notes," Meredith said once she'd caught up with him. "What else would you like me to do?"

"Well, Grey," he said taking them from her, "You've done good today. Go home and get some rest."

Meredith was surprised. She had expected to be held late just because she actually had something to do tonight. After all, her life seemed to work that way. But nope, things were actually going her way right now.

She hurried into the locker room and quickly got changed. She put on a pair of jeans and a red sweater. She quickly put on a little bit of make-up and made sure that her hair looked good. She grabbed her purse and closed her locker, heading out towards the front of the hospital. As she walked out of the doors, she saw Derek pacing in the dark near one of the benches. She smiled a little and walked towards him.

_You'd better stop  
And try to think  
Look what you're doing_

"Hey," Derek said as he stopped moving and watched Meredith come towards him.

"Hey," she said as she shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

"So, where do you want to go?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said. She had never felt this uncomfortable around him before. She was usually so comfortable and able to say anything and everything on her mind, but she was actually nervous and scared right now.

Derek could sense her hesitations. He took a few steps towards the bench, "Then let's just sit. Sit and talk here. Then if we come up with a place to go, we can go."

"Okay," Meredith said relaxing a little. Nothing could happen, right? After all, they were in a very public place.

_Wait, wait till the signs are right  
Wait till the perfect time  
And you will wait too long he will be gone, he will be gone_

"So, we should talk," Derek began, a little unsure of where he was going with this.

"Yeah, talk," Meredith agreed, looking out at the busy streets.

"This is weird for me, you know," Derek said facing Meredith, "This hasn't happened to me before."

Meredith was going to say that it was the same way for her, but she stopped herself. "I don't even know if we are talking about the same thing. I mean, we could be talking about completely different thing and we-"

Derek cut Meredith off. Not with words, but with a kiss.

_Wait till you don't doubt no more  
Wait till you know for sure_

Derek pulled away and looked at Meredith's stunned face. That was the only thing it revealed. It was basically emotionless. She looked around for a few seconds before her eyes met Derek's deep blue expectant ones. "I… umm… I have to go," Meredith said as she quickly stood up and turned away from Derek.

"Meredith, wait," Derek said as he stood up and grabbed her arm, stopping her, "Don't just leave like that."

"I have to," with that she turned back around and walked away from Derek.

* * *

**September 24, 2006-7:10pm**

Addison walked back into the hospital. She had one thing in mind: Mark. She wanted to block everything else out even though the scene that had just happened kept flashing through her mind.

Once she reached the fourth floor she found him. He seemed a little surprised to see her, "Mark, meet me at my house. We need to talk."

"Addi, we don't have to-"

Addison cut him off, "Yes, we have to talk about what happened. Really talk. No yelling, just talk."

"Okay," Mark said, still a little confused as Addison walked away.

* * *

**September 24, 2006-7:11pm**

Derek couldn't believe that he just let that happen. He just let her walk away. What was wrong with him? If you think you care about someone enough to cheat on your wife with them, then you don't just let them walk away, do you? Well he didn't really know. It wasn't like he exactly had experience in this department.

He looked at his options: hospital or car. He didn't really like either. He looked around and his eye caught the bar that he'd met Meredith at. Option three. He liked it best. Besides, he really needed a drink.


	15. Upside Down

**September 24, 2006-8pm**

Addison sat on her bed. She heard the front door open. She knew it wasn't Derek. It was Mark. She could just tell. She knew Mark would be looking for her, "I'm up here!" she called out to him. She continued waiting until she heard his footsteps on the stairs and then down the hall, stopping at the door.

She looked towards him and he walked over to her, sitting down next to her. "Addi, we should really talk. I mean, Derek's my best friend and he has been for years. I can't hurt him. It's not right."

Addison hadn't heard a word he'd said. She was too tangled within her own thoughts. She knew he was talking, but to her it was a film without sound. She looked at him again and noticed he'd stopped. He had a look on his face that Derek used to have. One full of caring and worry for her. One full of what she knew as love.

Addison decided that she wasn't thinking clearly, but she didn't care. She had nothing to lose anyways. She'd already lost Derek without even realizing it until he was gone. She quickly leaned into Mark and kissed him, not letting up. She wrapped her arms around him and he didn't stop her. Apparently, he wasn't thinking clearly either.

* * *

**September 24, 2006-8:30pm**

Derek sat in the bar holding his scotch. He didn't find this place nearly as appealing without Meredith's drunken smile. He'd looked around many times and saw that she wasn't there. He'd hoped she was, but of course he didn't get what he want. That seemed to be a pattern forming within his life.

He still couldn't figure out how all this happened in a week. He'd gone from just working all the time to cheating on his wife. Granted, things hadn't been perfect with Addison in years, but still everything was moving so fast.

He had thought he'd found the person that was perfect for him. The person that he was going to love forever, but now he thought otherwise. When Meredith stepped into his life, she turned it upside down, but Derek couldn't help but wish she'd came earlier.

* * *

**September 24, 2006-9:05pm**

Meredith was right. She knew that something bad was going to happen. After all, bad is the only thing that can result from meeting with a married man that you are currently falling for. But it wasn't like she had much guidance on that. She didn't think many people were ever actually in her position. At least she hoped not because her position sucked.

She really wished she had stayed with him. She wished that she had kissed him again. Maybe one night of happiness really is worth losing so much more. If they hadn't been at the hospital, she probably would have. If he would have taken her somewhere and kissed her, she knew she would have lost herself in it.

But the problem was that they weren't somewhere else. They were at that hospital. And she didn't stay. She ran. She fled. And now she can't change it. No matter how much she wishes, she couldn't change what she just did.

* * *

**September 24, 2006-11pm**

As the bar began to clear out, Derek gave up. He'd hoped that if he stayed long enough, she'd show up, but she didn't. He just sat at the end of the bar, scotch after scotch, alone.

He finally paid is outrageous tab and walked out of the bar. He thought about going home. After all, that's what people did when they didn't have work or anywhere else to be. But home just didn't seem very appealing to him. Home meant Addison and right now, Meredith was on his mind.

He'd been to her house before and he thought seriously about stopping by and making her talk to him, but he knew that would be wrong. He didn't have any right to just show up there when it was almost midnight. Instead he headed back to the hospital. An on-call room seemed to be his only sensible choice.

* * *

**September 24, 2006-11:15pm**

"Addison," Mark said as he put his clothes back on. Addison pretended as though she didn't hear him. She frantically put her clothes back on as well. "Addison," Mark said again, this time she looked up at him, "I love you."

That was the first time in a very long time that Addison had heard those words come out of anyone's mouth backed by sincerity and feeling. Derek's words had been forced for years, but she didn't force that out of Mark. She didn't even ask for it. It just happened. He just offered his feelings up for her, the way she'd done for Derek.

"Addi?" Mark asked. He wanted a response. Something. Even if it was just a look or a gesture. He needed something to tell him that he didn't just make a mistake.

Addison dropped her thoughts and looked at Mark again. Things started to make sense and fall into place. "I love you too."


	16. In a Daze

**September 25, 2006-9am**

Meredith walked throughout the hospital just like she had for the last four hours she'd been there. She'd gotten things done, but all in a daze. She couldn't focus. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but she seriously doubted that. She thing it had to do with what she was feeling.

She couldn't completely describe it, but it was something she'd never felt before. She basically felt empty. She'd never felt empty. At least not this empty. Not even after throwing up alcohol for hours. It was like part of her was missing. A big part of her. She knew what it was, but she couldn't let herself admit to it. That would just make things that much more complicated.

She'd set herself a goal for the day and so far, she'd achieved it. She needed to avoid Derek. The more she avoided him, the less chance she had of doing something she regretted and she didn't want to regret anything else. She knew there were still things she wanted to say to him, but she just decided that she lost her chance to say things when she left last night. Now, was the time to move on.

* * *

**September 25, 2006-10am**

Derek busied himself in his work, getting things done much faster then he normally would have. He hadn't slept at all last night due to everything on his mind and the extremely uncomfortable on-call room beds. The day was quickly coming to an end and he knew he had nowhere to come other than home.

He should be happy, right? He had a wife waiting for him at home and there wasn't anything wrong with her. Except for the fact that she wasn't Meredith of course. He still couldn't understand why he was comparing his wife of eleven years to a woman he'd known for a week. Why in the world was he willing to give up a marriage for her? He knew nothing about her. He didn't know what she liked to eat, her taste in music, her hobbies, nothing. He knew all of that about Addison, but he kept feeling himself drawn towards Meredith, whom he'd quickly noticed was avoiding him and had been all day.

Derek finally finished up with his last patient for the night and headed outside the hospital. As a slight rain began to fall, he could tell this was going to be a bad night. He felt like he was at his breaking point. He even thought for a moment of telling Addison that he kissed Meredith just so he would have a clear conscience, allowing him to actually sleep.

But sleep, sleep was another problem entirely. Sleep meant dreams and dreams meant Meredith. Of course, the two things he wanted the most were together. But his dream Meredith was nothing like the real one. The real one was the best thing in the world.

As he got into his car, the rain increased slightly, but nothing out of the ordinary for Seattle. He was used to the rain. He'd even begun to like it. Too much sunlight was weird. It defied reality. No one was that happy all the time. He began to think that Seattle was much more honest. It didn't try and pretend that people were happy. It just rained a lot, proving that people usually weren't happy with their lives anymore.

* * *

**September 25, 2006-7pm**

Meredith got into her car and headed home. The drive was an easy one. Not too much traffic and only a slight rain, instead of a torrential downpour. As she pulled up into the driveway, she noticed that Cristina and Izzie weren't there. They weren't lying when they had said that they basically moved in. Meredith didn't care. It made her feel less alone.

She turned off the car and opened the door, getting out and shutting it behind her. She began walking up to the door when she realized that she didn't have her purse. She turned around and hurried back to her car as the rain began to get a little rougher. She pulled the handle, but it didn't open the door.

"Shit," Meredith mumbled. Her keys and cell phone were locked in her car.

* * *

**September 25, 2006-7pm**

Derek pulled into is already full driveway and then walked up the steps of his house. He turned back and looked at the cars, it just now clicking that his driveway had basically been full. He looked at the cars and noticed Mark's. Apparently he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, now he had a guest to entertain. And knowing Mark, he'd be there all night due to his newfound loneliness.

Derek opened his front door and noticed that the television wasn't on like usual. Everything was quiet. He figured that Addison and Mark had taken Addison's other car and went for dinner. After all, Derek's track record for showing up for dinner wasn't very good.

As he began up the stairs, the silence ended. He heard something. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but he knew it was something. He reached the top of the stairs and things began to fall into place. He saw a leather jacket on the ground. It wasn't his. The only leather jacket he owned he was wearing. He walked a little further and found Addison's blouse. Things were coming too real. He looked up from the blouse and saw the door to his bedroom.

The distance between him and that door seemed like the Sahara Desert. He knew what he was going to find, but he didn't want to face it. His throat went dry as he finally reached the door. He placed his hand the door and seriously contemplated not opening it. But he decided he hat to. It had to be confirmed or else, he wouldn't let himself believe it.


	17. Sense

Meredith sat down on her porch step under the cover of the roof. She sat her chin on her hand and watched the rain pour down. She had nowhere to go. The hospital was a ridiculous walk from here and she had no way to call anyone to pick her up. She was stuck.

* * *

Derek opened the door and saw the one thing no man would ever want to see. No man ever deserved to see it. They didn't even realize he was there. They were too far in. Derek turned around and began to walk out as the noise stopped. He didn't notice. He kept walking. There were yells behind him, but he tuned them out.

He walked down the stairs and out of the house. He got into his car and backed out of the driveway. He wasn't thinking at all. He was on automatic. He didn't have control of what he was doing. It seemed like his mind was on pause. He didn't know where he was going or what he was doing. He just kept driving. Driving in circles in and out of the city.

He didn't know why this was bugging him so much. He'd already admitted to the fact that he saw something in Meredith. Something he never saw in Addison. But he never expected Addison to cheat on him. He had cheated on her with one kiss, but nothing like she'd done. Especially not in their house. On their bed. And with Mark.

Mark had been his friend for as long as he could remember. He was there before Addison ever came into the picture. There was a lot of baggage with him, but he'd done the unthinkable. Derek had to admit he didn't feel hurt. He felt surprised.

Slowly his automatic mind turned off. Everything else began to way in again and his mind began to function properly. He evaluated the situation quickly as he roamed the streets of Seattle. Everything began to make sense again.


	18. The Rain

**I just thought I'd leave a small note for those of you who read Delicate... just so you know, I didn't abandon it.**

**Timeless and Almost Perfect are two stories that were written a long time ago so it's really easy for me to update them constantly. Strawberry Wine was just published, but I began writting it months ago, so again I have things banked up for that. As for Delicate, that is my favorite ever. I put a lot of work into that story and what I post on here is all that I have. I know I usually write faster, but I've been on vacation for a while and just gained interenet acces, not to mention I barely have the time to sit down and write. Trust me, vacation is not always relaxing. So, for those of you who do read Delicate (and if you don't, I highly suggest you start!) please just bare with me for the time being. That story will never be abandoned. Actually, since I have the rest of it planned out already in my mind, ideas for a sequel have began!**

* * *

Meredith watched as cars flew by the house. Then she looked down at her hands. She began to forget about the cars and only hear the rain. She listened to droplets splash against the cement as if it was all happening slowly. She thought clearly about everything that had been happening. She'd flipped her entire life around in a week. Out of all the dumb things she'd managed to do in her life, this had to be the dumbest.

The sound of cars flying by began to register in her mind again, but her eyes continued to focus on the damp cement as rain continued to pound against it. It felt as though every second that went by, it increased. A forgotten tear rolled down her cheek as it mixed with the fall rain. She felt it, but made herself ignore it. Tears would make her admit to what she was feeling right now and she had decided to stay empty. Emptiness was better than sadness, but she knew the sadness was coming and she wasn't going to be able to fight it much longer.

Meredith needed something to distract her. Something to get her mind off of everything that she couldn't explain anymore. Her life was a mess. She began to count the drops of rain hitting one of the bricks of the steps. It was stupid and pointless, but it kept her busy. She wasn't sure how much longer she was going to be able to do it. The sky was darkening and the rain was continuing to get worse as a bolt of lightning crashed across the sky.

The cars continued to fly by, but her absent mind ignored it. Her eyes and ears focused on the rain. It was the only steady thing in her life right now. Her mind dropped every thought of anything other than the rain. She closed her eyes and stopped counting. She let the rain soothe her. She let it's rhythmic patterns calm her soul and soothe her mind.

Every sense her body possessed sharpened other then her sight. She took account of the scent of fresh rain and the sound of cars splashing through the puddles. She took in the feeling of her cold hands against her rough jeans. Suddenly she heard a sound that she hadn't accounted for. It was a car door slamming shut.

She didn't want to open her eyes. She wanted to just fall asleep to the sound of the rain. She wanted it to wash away the rest of the chaotic world and leave her to peace, but she knew that her wish would never be granted. She opened her eyes and looked out on her lawn. There he was. He stood there with his hands in his pockets facing her, oblivious to the rain pouring down on him.

She didn't react. She didn't move. She just looked at him. He didn't move either. He was a little surprised to see her sitting on her porch step in a storm this bad. There wasn't enough light to see her facial features so he couldn't read her expression.

He shrugged his shoulders and took a few hesitant steps towards her. Once again, she didn't move or react. She didn't know how to react. She had no idea why he was here or what he had on his mind. She just waited. She didn't have any expectations this time. She didn't want to be disappointed. She just waited.

Once he realized that she wasn't protesting he took a few more steps towards her. He reached the first of the three steps and noticed that she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were still fixated on the spot that he'd first appeared. He walked up the steps until he reached the top and stopped.

He sat down next to her and looked over at the spot she was still staring at. There was nothing appealing about it and he knew she wasn't really focusing on it at all. Her mind was racing and he could tell just by the wrinkles slowly forming on her forehead as he turned towards her.

His face was inches away from hers, but she was still refusing to look at him. She stared at the raindrops again. She didn't want to focus on the man sitting next to her. She wanted to rewind and never have been assigned to him. She wanted to not have invited him to the bar or kissed him. She didn't want to remember the feeling she felt when their lips touched. She didn't want to remember any of it, but at the same time those memories were the only things ever bringing smiles to her face.

Derek knew she wanted to fight it. She was trying her hardest to fight what she was feeling. He had tried too, but he knew he couldn't any longer. Especially after Addison and Mark. Now, there was nothing holding him back. There was no reason to keep him away from her. Nothing.

He watched as a tear rolled down her face. It almost broke his heart because he knew he'd caused it. He never intentionally hurt her, but he'd managed it anyways. He'd messed with her mind and she hadn't done a thing to deserve it. She was still looking away from him, but he could tell she wanted to look over so much. She just wouldn't let herself.

Derek couldn't handle it anymore he lifted up his own hand and turned her chin so that she was facing him. She refused to make eye contact, but at the same time, she couldn't force herself to look away.

Derek didn't take his hand off of her chin. Just touching her sent shivers through his body, "Meredith," he whispered, trying to make her look at him. She searched around frantically for something, anything to distract her.

"Mer," Derek soothed as he grazed her cheek with his finger. Her eyes looked down and watched his finger run across her smooth skin. Everything seemed so familiar. It seemed like they'd been together for years, yet they have only known each other for a week.

Meredith knew there was something different about this. Something different about them. She knew she'd probably regret this, but she just didn't care anymore. She turned her eyes to match Derek's deep blue ones and he immediately relaxed a little. He took this as a sign of acceptance and gently leaned in towards her, kissing her, as the rain fell down on them.

Derek lost himself in that kiss and in a moment their arms were wrapped around each other. Meredith had lost all knowledge of anything else in the world. In that moment, all that mattered was her and Derek. She didn't want it to end, but slowly Derek began to pull his lips away, leaving his hands wrapped around her and their bodies close.

He rested his forehead against hers as they both sat their breathless, "Mer, can we go inside?"

Meredith smiled and laughed a little, "No."

"No?" he asked a little surprised as he lifted his head away from hers.

"I'm locked out," she confessed, relaxing him a little, "Did you really think I was sitting here waiting for you?"

Derek decided not to respond to that question and moved on to the other problem at hand, "Don't you have a hide-a-key or something?"

Meredith kept her hands on his neck while she looked around, trying to remember where her mother kept the key. "Under the mat," she finally said.

"Did it really take you that long to figure that out?" Derek joked as Meredith bent over to grab the key from under the mat. She stood up, pulling Derek with her as their hands stayed intertwined.

She began to unlock the door as Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled himself close to her. He brushed away the hair from the back of her neck and began to gently kiss her.

Meredith couldn't help but giggle and had an increasingly hard time opening the door. Once it finally opened, she dropped the key inside and turned back around to Derek. He lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and began to kiss her lips again.

He carried her inside and she silently directed him towards her room, never taking their lips off of each other. He stumbled on the stairs, leading to many interesting memories and hilarious giggles on Meredith's part.

When they finally reached her room, Derek gently placed her on her bed and smiled, "This is better. Much better," he said as he slowly placed himself on top of her and once again forgot the rest of the world.


	19. McDreamy?

**September 26, 2006-9:30am**

Meredith woke up with a smile on her face. As she sun lit her eyes, she felt a hand wrapped around her waist. She turned her head and her face brushed against Derek's chest. "Good morning, beautiful," Derek said making her smile widen.

Meredith stretched out a little as she responded, "How long have you been awake?"

"An hour or so."

"Why didn't you wake me?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

Derek smiled and played with the ends of her wavy hair, "I was doing perfectly fine right here."

Meredith smiled again and snuggled closer to him as he kissed the top of her heard. She was still lost in her own little world. Her world that only involved him and her. Where everything is perfect.

Derek and Meredith laid there for what seemed like another eternity. He continued to play with her hair, kissing her every now and then while Meredith played with his fingers and drew random shapes on his palm. She had a content look on her face. One that she didn't usually have.

"Meredith? Where the hell are the tamp- Oh my god," Cristina said as she walked into Meredith's room and was stunned by what she saw.

Meredith and Derek both reacted quickly covering themselves with the sheets and Meredith jumping in front of Derek almost to hide him.

Cristina laughed, "Oh don't try and hide it. We all knew it was bound to happen." She laughed again before turning around and walking out of the room like nothing had happened.

Meredith and Derek both relaxed. Meredith threw herself back down on her pillow as Derek stayed sitting up. "What did she mean?"

"What?" Meredith asked.

"When she said it was bound to happen?"

Meredith rolled her eyes before turning to look at Derek, "They've been saying stuff about us since day one. You're McDreamy."

"McDreamy? What is that?" Derek asked slightly amused.

"It's the result of bored and sleep deprived interns."

Meredith smiled at his nickname. Her friends were right. He was very Dreamy. She wanted to hit herself for thinking that, after realizing how ridiculous is sounded, but decided Derek might be a little concerned if she randomly started hitting herself.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"What?" she asked.

"Whenever you start thinking about something, your forehead wrinkles just a little. It's cute. Now, what were you thinking about?" Derek asked as he kissed her lightly on the neck.

"I can't think when you're kissing me," she giggled.

"Well that's just a problem, we're going to have to learn to live with, aren't we?" Derek said as he rolled her over on top of Meredith and she continued to giggle in between kisses.

"Oh my god," Meredith said as her eyes widened and she stopped moving.

"What? Mer, what's wrong?" Derek asked quickly becoming concerned.

"Oh my god, you are married."

Derek rolled off of her and rubbed his head with his hand, "Meredith," he began, hoping to stop her.

"No, you are married!" she said as she began to freak out and get out of bed.

"Meredith."

"Don't Meredith me. Get out! Get out!" she said throwing his clothes at him.

Derek ducked when his shoes flew across the room, "Meredith, calm down. Listen to me."

"No! I don't have to listen to you!" Meredith said as she pulled on her own clothes. Derek hurried over to her and picked her up. "What the hell are you doing? Put me down!" she screamed as she banged his fists against his back.

He placed her on the bed and got on top of her, making her face him, "Meredith, listen to me. Addison and I fell apart a long time ago. What she did yesterday just sealed the deal and let me do what I wanted to without feeling guilty for a second." Meredith turned her head, trying to block out what he was saying. He cupped her face, bringing her eyes back to his, "Meredith, I've never felt this way about someone before. You need to know that. That's why I'm here, because I can't get you out of my head and I know you are feeling the same way."

Meredith just looked at him, shocked and silent. Derek waited a few minutes before opening his mouth again, "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Can you please get off of me?" she asked. Derek rolled over on the bed and they both stared at the ceiling. "What did she do? Addison?"

"Slept with my best friend," Derek said evenly.

"So what am I? Revenge?" Meredith asked as she sat up.

"Meredith, we already went through this. You aren't revenge," Derek said, hoping that she'd calm down again.

"You used me! I can't believe I fell for that," she said as she got off the bed again, "Now get out!" she yelled before walking into her bathroom and slamming the door shut behind her.


	20. Looking Back

**September 26, 2006-11am**

"Well that sounded like some mind blowing sex," Cristina joked as Meredith walked wearily into the kitchen.

"Shut up," she said without looking at her or Izzie.

"So what's the story? What happened?" Izzie asked getting excited.

"Nothing," she said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"It didn't sound like nothing," Izzie said, smiling.

"Can we stop talking about my sex life?" Meredith asked, still not looking at her friends.

"What's wrong with you? Was he bad or something?" Cristina asked.

"No." Meredith said flatly before walking out of the kitchen.

* * *

**September 26, 2006- Noon**

Derek drove around aimlessly until he was sure that Addison had gone to work and would be there for some time. As he pulled up to his house, an unexpected pain seemed to consume his body. He stepped out of his car and looked up at the house.

It was beautiful. They'd lived there for seven years now. When they bought it, they had plans to have kids. They had five bedrooms. Each had slowly been turned it to other things as those dreams of a family slipped with the time. He stepped into the house and flashbacks flew through his mind.

He thought about the day that they'd first moved in. Neither one of them could have been happier. They'd finally moved out of their cramped condo and had enough room for their family to grow. That night they even went and picked out names for their first child: Nalanie Rae Shepherd if it was a girl and Justin Michael Shepherd if it was boy. They'd spent time picking out those names. Addison had immediately fallen in love with Nalanie. It means heaven's calm. Justin means just or true which she said described their love. He'd thought she was just being cheesy, but back then he agreed with her. Now he wasn't so sure.

He slowly made is way upstairs as he looked at the pictures that lined the walls. When he thought about it, Addison hadn't done anything to give him a reason to pull away until last night, but by then he was already far-gone. He'd just stopped working for their dreams. They stopped being his dreams. His dreams shuffled away from a happy marriage and family to being a world-renown surgeon. Apparently, he didn't take the time to think that maybe he could have both.

He walked into their bedroom as the sun shown in from the in between the blinds. He pushed away the flashbacks of last night, with her and Mark in his bed. He didn't want to think about that. His mind moved on to happier times in this room. The night when they thought that she'd been pregnant. He could only remember a few times in his life when he was as happy as he was that night. Too bad it was false. Maybe if it hadn't been, everything would be different.

Derek packed quickly. He knew he wouldn't be able to take much, but he didn't need much. If he left anything, he could just go buy another one. As Derek picked up his suitcases and walked out the door, he looked back. He took one deep breath as he shed one tear for everything. It was for everything that he'd pushed away for the last three years and was now giving up completely. It was not only for Addison, but also for everything they'd become and used to be. It was just for everything.


	21. No Turning Back

**September 26, 2006- 3pm**

Derek walked into his hotel room and dropped his bags down. So, this is what is life was turning into. He was going to be living out of two suitcases in a hotel room. He'd been through a roller coaster of emotions that day, especially for a guy.

He still couldn't figure out what to do about Meredith. He had obviously hurt her. She thinks he was using her. But he wasn't. It just seemed that way. He couldn't use her. He cared about her too much. The fact that he cared about her was still unbelievable to him, but then at the same time made so much sense. She just seemed so perfect for him. Last night, their one night together was just perfect. He couldn't have asked for anything else other than her not kicking him out the next morning.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair and decided that he should go to the hospital. He didn't want to see Mark or Addison at all, but there he had the chance of seeing Meredith and he was beginning to think that right now, she was the only thing that could make him feel like climbing out of this whole he was digging for himself.

* * *

**September 26, 2006- 4pm**

"Derek," Addison called the second she saw Derek walking towards the hospital. She'd been getting ready to head home, but the second she saw him, all thoughts of anything else dropped.

"Not now, Addison," Derek said as he brushed past her.

"Derek, please, don't walk away from me. I don't want you to walk away," Addison said as her eyes filled with tears.

Derek turned around and faced Addison. His face was filled with rage. Not only because of what she'd done, but that Meredith hated him too. He was full of anger as he opened his mouth and said, "You should have thought about that before you slept with Mark."

"Derek, I only did it because of what I saw," Addison said as she began to cry.

"What?" Derek asked stopping himself from turning around.

Addison stopped herself from getting upset and quickly turned her sadness into anger as well, "I saw you kiss her. That little filthy slut of an intern. I watched you."

Derek walked close to Addison. He took a deep breath and tried to relax. In a calm and even tone he said what was on his mind, "Don't you dare speak down to her. She's amazing. She's everything, more then I ever thought possible. Don't ever say anything about her again."

Addison was shocked. She thought Derek had just been having a meaningless affair. That was bad enough, but one where he actually cared about the woman? A woman he cared so much about that he wasn't even hiding the fact that he cared about her? That was too much.

* * *

Meredith gripped the car wheel tighter. They were right in front of her. Yards away from her car, fighting. She could hear everything they were saying even though her car was shut. The second Addison mentioned that she knew about them, Meredith thought her world was about to fall apart, but then Derek spoke. She never expected him to say the things he did and she could tell Addison hadn't either.

As those words came out of Derek's mouth, all three of them knew they had changed their lives. Derek couldn't back out on them now. And Meredith couldn't do anything, but believe them. Everything was still happening so fast. She quickly turned on her car. As the headlights turned on, Derek and Addison both turned in their direction to see Meredith backing out of her parking spot. Derek's face lit up at her presence, but Addison never looked worse. They just all knew that nothing was going to be the same.

_There's no turning back  
Since I let myself fall in love with you_


	22. This Can't Work

Meredith kept driving, continuing to grip the steering wheel tighter. She was in a little bit of shock. A man just admitted to caring about her to his wife. And they barely know each other. After he had left that morning, she'd just decided that it had been some cheap thing for him, like he'd just used her. But that whole conversation through that train of thought out the window.

She turned onto her street and noticed a Jeep Wrangler sitting in her driveway. That didn't make sense. Or seem possible. She left first. How in the world did he beat her?

Meredith pulled up next to the Wrangler and turned off her car. She looked into the Wrangler's window and found it empty. She sighed and decided that the safest place for her to be right now was the car. She released her grip on the steer wheel and relaxed her head on it.

She was exhausted, both mentally and physically. She'd thrown herself through a roller coaster of emotions and got barely any sleep last night. She closed her eyes and breathed calmly, trying to stop her mind from running in circles. As she finally began to feel better she heard a knock on the window that caused her to jump up, scream, and slam her hands on the wheel, releasing a screeching horn from the car.

Meredith looked out her window and found Derek, hunched over, covering his mouth to hide is laughing, but his eyes betrayed him. Meredith opened the door, "What the hell was that?" she asked him in an angry tone.

He looked up at her and immediately saw that she was angry. She tried her best to stay angry too, but when she saw his softened eyes and his amazing smile, still trying to suppress and laugh, it was extremely hard for her. She reviewed the situation and felt a smile begin to surface, which she quickly tried to hide.

"Oh come on, you have to admit that was hilarious," Derek said as he walked closer to Meredith.

"No it wasn't!" she said defensively as he began to laugh again. She grabbed her purse and got out of her car, slamming the door behind her. As she looked at him laughing, she had to smile and this time she couldn't hide it.

"There's that smile I love," Derek said. Meredith quickly stopped smiling and turned away from him, walking to the door, "Meredith," he said following her. His smile disappeared and began to get serious after seeing her reaction.

"What?" she said stopping abruptly, almost making him run into her.

"You heard that, right? Everything with Addison?" Derek asked, hopeful.

"It doesn't change anything, Derek."

"Mer, it changes everything. Don't you get that?"

Meredith sighed heavily, "Fine, it does. It changes everything, but how is this possible? This can't work, Derek. You are married and I'm still dating Finn. I won't be part of an affair. I just won't," Meredith said before turning around walking into her house, closing the door behind her.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair staring at the door. Part of him was praying that she'd come running back out, but he had already learned that she was too stubborn to do that. She'd fight anything new for as long as she possibly could. Derek turned away and got back in his car, heading back to his hotel room.


	23. Friends

**September 27, 2006- 9am**

"Hey, George," Izzie said a little loud, trying to get his attention.

George jumped a little before turning around and looking at Izzie, "Don't sneak up behind people!"

"I didn't sneak up on you," she said as she leaned against the nurse's station facing in the direction he'd been staring, "George, have you said more then two words to her since we started here?"

"Yes…, no," George said, the last word a little quieter then the first.

"Then how do you expect her to like you? Staring at her while she's with a patient isn't going to do anything," Izzie said, looking at George.

"I know, she's just, so, I don't really know, it's just hard," George confessed.

Izzie looked at him, almost feeling sorry for him, "Look, the only way to get her to notice you is to make her notice you. You have to make the first move."

* * *

**September 27, 2006- Noon**

"So, Mer, I was thinking that maybe we could unpack a little. I mean, you have all those boxes around your house and all they're doing is taking up space. We could make the place a little more homey," Izzie began.

Meredith rolled her eyes. She really didn't have the energy to deal with Izzie's happiness. "Are you two seriously just going to move in to my house without my permission?"

"When you didn't stop us, you gave us permission," Cristina said simply.

"I'm so charging you two rent," Meredith said as she took a bite of her salad.

"Fine, but only if you let Martha Stewart decorate so she'll have something to do and stop bugging me all night," Cristina added.

"No, no unpacking," Meredith said forcefully.

"Why not?" Izzie asked.

"Because, it's my house. You two can live there, but it's my house. My house, my boxes, my rules. No unpacking," Meredith said before living the table.

George sat down the second Meredith left, "You two seriously live with her?"

"Yeah and there's one extra room. Might up your chances," Izzie said before leaving the table as well.

* * *

Derek sat in his office filling out papers to waste time. He didn't want to be roaming around the hospital and run into people, especially Mark or Addison. He wanted to run into Meredith, but he didn't want to be part of the confrontation that would occur if he did. As he ran the events of the past week through his head, there was a knock on his door.

"Come in," Derek said without taking his eyes off of the chart he was signing.

"Derek, we should talk."

Derek looked up and met Mark's eyes, "No, we shouldn't." He picked up a few files and charts and walked past Mark, "If you'd excuse me, I have patient's to see."

"What you aren't even going to fight for you wife?" Mark asked, moving the argument in to the hallway as he followed Derek. "Derek, come on," Mark said trying to stop Derek. After realizing that attempt wasn't working, he stopped walking, "Fine, just go be with that little intern. I'm sure she'll be there for you once you she meets some other younger guy."

Derek stopped and tightened his grip on the charts before placing them down on a nurse's station. He turned around and looked at Mark with anger flaring through his body.

"What? Did you actually think that a weeklong affair meant something? Come on Derek, you can't be that stupid."

Derek tried to think rationally, but he couldn't. Instead he pulled back his arm and swung it at Mark as hard as he could.

"What the hell was that?" Meredith said as she sat down next to Mark and helped him up.

"That would be my best friend," Derek said as he shook his fist to ease the pain.

"Wha-oh," Meredith said as she let go of Mark's arm, allowing him to fall backwards.

"Shepherd! What the hell do you think you're doing?" a voice said that made everyone look behind Derek.

"Chief-"

"I don't want to hear it. Not out here. Get in my office, now," Richard said before looking over at Meredith, "Both of you."


	24. Prayin' For Daylight

**September 27, 2006**

Meredith watched as Derek tightened his grip on the arms of the chair as Richard took his own seat. She felt extremely uncomfortable and didn't think she should be there to begin with. After all, she hadn't done anything wrong. Other than sleeping with Derek of course, but she seriously doubted that their Chief of Surgery knew that.

"Derek, what happened out there?" Richard asked, not in a nice voice, but in a forceful one.

"If you want to know, you should ask Addison," Derek responded.

"What does Addi have to do with this? She wasn't even there. I want to know why you were punching out my head of plastic on my surgical floor. My surgical floor! You two have been friends your entire lives. Keep these problems out of my hospital."

"Meredith shouldn't be here," Derek said, not responding to the Chief's words.

"Dr. Grey will be here as long as I please."

"You know, Der-, Dr. Shepherd is right. I don't really have anything to do with this and I have patients," Meredith began rambling, trying to get herself out of this situation.

"Dr. Grey, you aren't leaving yet," the Chief said, "Something is going on and I want to know what. I'm not sure how, but I know Dr. Grey is involved and I want answers."

"Dr. Grey has nothing to do with this and if you want answers, you can contact Addison," Derek said before getting up, "Come on, Dr. Grey," Derek said to Meredith. She stood up and left with him, a little unsure of walking out on the Chief.

As soon as they were out of the office, Meredith pulled away from Derek, noticing that he had his arm on her back, "Why were you being protective of me? I don't need to be protected."

"You don't need to be dragged into this. Richard has known Mark, Addison, and I since we were in college. He's not going to like your involvement in the situation," Derek said quietly, trying to not draw attention to them.

"Yeah, well, Richard has known me since I was a baby, so I think I have you beat there, but like I said, I don't need to be protected. Especially not by you. Just leave me alone," Meredith said before walking away.

"Meredith," Derek called out after her, but she just kept going, leaving him behind.

_Baby come back to me  
I swear I'll make it right__  
Don't make me spend another lonely night  
Prayin' for daylight

* * *

_

**September 27, 2006**

"Why are you running away from McDreamy?" Cristina said, stopping Meredith in her pursuit to get away.

"He's not McDreamy anymore. He's McMarried."

"He's always been married," Cristina said as they both stepped on the elevator, "And that brings me to my second question, how did you get a married man in your bed after only a week?"

"Cristina, shut up."

"I'm just asking, after all, I wouldn't mind having him in my bed. He's hot, rich, and successful, what else can you ask for?" Cristina joked.

"Single and not overbearing," Meredith said rolling her eyes.

"Overbearing? How is he overbearing?"

"Cristina, shut up."

"You've went past your allowed times to try and boss Cristina around for the day, so stop telling me to shut up. It won't work," Cristina said as Meredith rolled her eyes again, "Geez, what's got your panties in a bunch?"

"Nothing," Meredith said before walking out of the elevator and on to the surgical floor.

"Nothing my ass," Cristina muttered under her breath.


	25. Unexpected Visitors

**September 27, 2006**

"Alright, Mr. King, how are you feeling?" Derek asked as he stepped into his patient's room.

"Other then the headache, pretty good."

"Good, everything seems fine, but you fell pretty hard so we're going to get a CT to check for any problems," Derek said as he made a note on his chart before turning towards the nurse in the room, "Page Dr. Grey. She can take him for the CT."

"Dr. Grey?" Mr. King said, "As in Meredith Grey?"

"Yes, Meredith Grey, do you know her by any chance?" Derek asked interested.

"Yeah, we grew up together. I haven't seen her in almost a year," he responded happily.

"Dr. Shepherd, you needed something?" Meredith said as she walked into the room.

"Meredith, you haven't changed a bit."

Meredith turned her head towards the direction of the bed and her face lit up, "Ashton? Oh my god, I haven't seen you in forever," she said as she hurried over to him and hugged him.

"How've you been?"

"Pretty good actually. What about you? And why are you here?" Meredith asked.

"I'm working for a construction business and I fell off a roof yesterday," he said casually.

"You fell off a roof?" Meredith asked sounding concerned.

"Don't worry, I'm fine."

"Well, we're not sure about that. Meredith, I was hoping that you'd take him down to get his CT," Derek said.

"Sure, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said putting an emphasis on the Dr. Shepherd part.

* * *

"Well, this looks clear," Derek said looking at the scan.

"He always has had a hard head," Meredith joked.

Derek loved it when she smiled; it forced him to smile, "So you guys really go back?"

"Yeah. I've known him my entire life. We went to school together until I went to college. Ashton always hated school so once he was done with high school; he never wanted to go back. I wish I could have found him again under better circumstances," Meredith said.

"Yeah."

"Well, I better get him out of there," Meredith said leaving the room.

* * *

"Hey, Mer? Izzie said that you had a room to rent left?" George asked a little uncomfortable.

"Really? She did? Not surprising. Last time I checked, I have three extra rooms, now two have been rented out without my knowledge and one's on the market," Meredith said as she continued walking down the hall.

"So, there's no chance of me getting it?"

"Well I still have to work out prices and stuff, but if you want it, whatever. I don't see what's so appealing about living in that house," Meredith said before walking back into a patient's room, leaving George in the hallway.

* * *

**September 27, 2006**

"Okay, Ashton, you're clear," Meredith said smiling.

"I've always had a hard head," he joked.

"That's exactly what I said. We have to keep you over night for observation, but you can go home in the morning to Connor. How is he by the way?" Meredith asked.

"Good. He's growing up too fast though. He's already three years old and he's never looked more like is mom," Ashton said sadly.

Meredith gave him an understanding look, "Then he must be beautiful."

* * *

Derek stared into the window of the patient's room from the other side of the hall. He watched Meredith's face light up the second she walked in the room and he looked at her. She smiled beautifully as she began to talk and held his hand as the conversation obviously turned to something not so happy.

He had to admit, he was jealous. Which was slightly pathetic since this guy was lying in a hospital bed and he was a widely known neurosurgeon. Oh, and the fact that he was married, but he couldn't help but feel like that guy had a piece of Meredith. As if he was part of her, but Derek wanted to be part of Meredith. He'd never had such a desire to have someone feel something for him.

He rubbed his face and then ran his fingers through his hair. He had to find away to get her out of his mind. The only option that he could come up with was alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

_Want you  
Need you  
Can't live without you

* * *

_

**September 27, 2006**

Derek walked into Joe's and saw Meredith's friends. He didn't see her, but the empty seat near them signaled to him that she was there somewhere. He walked farther in and took a seat on the opposite side of the bar, away from them. He ordered his drink and sat silently sipping it, waiting for Meredith to return.

Cristina stood up from the table and walked over to Derek. He became a little nervous and turned away, trying to hide the fact that he'd been staring in their direction. Cristina casually ordered another beer and then looked at Derek, "She's not here."

Derek turned back around, but Cristina had already walked back over to the table. He sighed and finished off his scotch before placing down some money and walking out of the bar, disappointed.

_I didn't know that I could be so blind to all that is so real  
But as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed

* * *

_

Derek didn't know where to go. He was tired of walking into the empty hotel room and he didn't want to go back to the hospital. Instead he drove to a near by park. He got out of his car and started walking down the trail, just watching the people along the way.

As the sky darkened he stopped and sat on a nearby bench. He looked at the kids playing on the playground, completely carefree. He really began to admire them and their freewill. His head turned to the side of the playground where a family sat in the grass. The parents were young and they were holding on to their two young children. Derek admired them as well. They were seemed happy and content with their lives.

Derek's mind then turned to a little boy who was running across the grass. He had a small ball in his hands and he was running to a woman. Derek turned away and then quickly looked back. That woman was Meredith.

Meredith smiled as the little boy ran into her arms. She picked him up as he played with the little ball in his arms, "Okay, are we ready to get going?"

The little boy nodded and laughed as Meredith adjusted him on her small hip. She picked up a small bag of toys and began heading towards the trail to go back to the car. As she stepped on the cement, she met Derek's eyes.

Meredith panicked, knowing that this little boy was going to throw all kinds of thoughts into his mind, so she turned and continued walking down the path. At the worst possible time, the little boy dropped the ball. She looked over her shoulder and watched as it bounced directly into Derek's open hand.

Derek stopped back up and walked over to Meredith who had turned around. He held out the ball to little boy, "Drop this?"

The boy took it and smiled, "Thanks."

Derek smiled at the sweetest of the boy's voice before looking at Meredith's face. "This, this isn't what it looks like," she said in a shaky voice.

"It's okay, Meredith," Derek said in an understanding voice.

"No, seriously, he's not my kid. Well, I was kind of the only mother he's known, but he's not my kid. He's Ashton's. It's a really long story, but I haven't seen him in a while and I didn't want him to be in the care of some people Ashton didn't really know," Meredith said quickly and nervously.

"What do you mean you're the only mother he's known?" Derek asked confused.

"Nothing, never mind. I've got to," Meredith said before turning around and walking away.

"Meredith," Derek said catching up to her, "We should talk. Really."

"I don't have time to talk. I have to take care of a three year old," Meredith said as she reached her car and opened the back door, "Maybe later, but just not now."

She began to buckle the little boy into a seat as Derek sighed. She shut the door and turned around and looked at him with pleading eyes, "Okay, but he's getting out of the hospital tomorrow so maybe we can meet for dinner?"

"I'll just get back to you, okay?" Meredith said as she began to get in her car.

"Fine," Derek said giving up.


	26. Escape

**September 28, 2006**

"What are you doing here? Don't you have the day off?" Derek asked as Meredith walked across the overpass.

"I'm here for Ashton. I'm picking him up," Meredith said.

"Oh," Derek replied sounding disappointed.

He was resting against the railing, looking outside. Meredith stopped and stood close to him, staring outside as well. She sighed and looked over at Derek, "Have you talked to her?"

"No," Derek said firmly, his eyes still focused on the window.

"Oh," Meredith said, this time she was disappointed.

Derek understood her tone and was a little surprised by it. He looked over at her, "I will, I promise."

Meredith shook her head, "Never mind, don't bother." She turned around and walked back to Ashton's room before giving Derek a chance to say anything else.

_And I need you  
And I miss you  
And now I wonder....

* * *

_

Derek got on the elevator, knowing what he had to do. He also knew it was going to be hard, but he wanted to do it for Meredith. She didn't deserve what he already had done to her and he didn't want her to slip any farther away from him. When the elevator opened, he turned down the hall, heading towards a very familiar office.

"Derek?" the Chief asked, stopping Derek.

"Yes?"

"I need to see you in my office."

"I'm actually on-"

"Now," the Chief said firmly before walking away.

Derek sighed and followed him down the hall.

* * *

**September 28, 2006**

"I'll lie him down up in my room for his nap," Meredith said carrying Connor upstairs, "You can just make yourself at home."

"Okay," Ashton said as he took a seat on the couch.

A few minutes later, he heard Meredith quietly come back downstairs. She walked into the living room and motioned for him to follow her as she walked into the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I know hospital food sucks, I practically live there," Meredith said as she looked in the fridge.

"No, I'm fine."

"You sure? The Ashton I know is usually always hungry," Meredith joked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Meredith closed the fridge and walked over to Ashton, "So how have you been?"

"Mer," he said quietly as he walked close to her, "Mer, you just left. And now you are acting like everything is fine, but you just left."

* * *

Derek reached the Chief's office moments after the door closed behind him. He walked in and let the door close before turning his attention towards the Chief who was standing by his desk.

"How long have you been sleeping with an intern?"

"Excuse me?" Derek asked, walking further into the room.

"Meredith Grey, how long have you been sleeping with her?"

"I don't think this has anything to do with my position in this hospital. My private life is not of your concern," Derek said as he turned around to leave.

"Derek," the Chief said making him stop in his steps, "Stay away from her. Don't bring her into the mess you and Addi have created for yourselves."

Derek shook his head disapprovingly and walked out without a word.

* * *

"I was just scared, okay?" Meredith offered as she took a few steps away from him.

"I still saw you around campus when I would hang out with our friends, but you were never with any of them. You just left everyone, especially Connor and me. You were practically his mother," Ashton said.

Meredith began to tear up, "I know and I'm sorry, but I didn't know what else to do."

"You could have just said you weren't ready," he said, "I would have been upset, but I would have gotten over it. It's better then losing you for a year. After everyone graduated, no one knew where you went. Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"I'm, I'm sorry, really," Meredith said, knowing that he'd want more of an explanation. Before he got the chance to say another word, Meredith's phone began to ring.

Meredith gave Ashton and apologetic look and went over to her purse to grab her cell phone out.

"Hello?"

"I know you said you'd get back to me and I acted-"

"Still free tonight?" Meredith asked interrupting Derek.

"Yeah," Derek replied slightly surprised.

"Good," she said sounding relieved.

"I'll be by to pick you up soon, okay?"

"Okay, see you soon," Meredith said before hanging up the phone.


	27. Seeing What Happens

**September 28, 2006**

Meredith opened the front door and Derek smiled at the sight of her. "Ready to go?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, just let me grab my jacket and purse," Meredith said as she stepped back into the foyer.

"Meredith? Where do you keep the extra paper towels? Connor decided to make a mess," Ashton asked as he walked out of the kitchen before noticing Derek, "Oh, hi Dr. Shepherd."

"Nice to see you Mr. King," Derek said awkwardly before looking at Meredith who seemed equally uncomfortable.

"They're under the sink," Meredith said before making her way back over to Derek, "See you later, Ashton."

"Have a good night," Ashton said, trying to pretend that he actually wanted them to.

Meredith stepped out the door and began to walk down the steps with Derek at her side, "Care to explain that?"

Meredith sighed, "He's just staying there. They were staying in a hotel room until the apartment he rented was ready, but Connor has more room to play around the house then in a hotel room."

"Oh," Derek said as he opened the door for her. She smiled and got in before Derek shut the door and walked over to the opposite side to get in.

Derek turned on the car and backed out of her driveway, watching her out the corner of his eye. She was staring out the window and constantly rubbing her hand roughly against her jeans, "A little anxious?"

"A little," Meredith confessed.

"Technically, this is our first date," Derek pointed out with a smile.

"My first date ever with a married man," Meredith pointed out.

"True," Derek said, taking the harsh comment.

"So where are we going?" Meredith asked looking over at Derek.

"Steak and wine. Sound good?"

"Exactly what I need," Meredith said sounding relieved. She leaned back in the chair and relaxed. She always seemed to be able to do that around Derek.

"I'm glad," Derek said as he gave Meredith a smile that could have melted her right then and there.

Her cell phone ringing broke the trance that she had begun to fall under. She pulled out her phone and read the caller-id. She turned the phone to the side and ended the call.

She didn't notice it, but Derek saw the caller-id.

"Shepherd, for two," Derek said to the hostess after walking into the restaurant.

"Reservations?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," he answered as the hostess led them to their table.

"Derek, this is a really nice place," Meredith said as she sat down and Derek sat across from her.

"And?"

"Are you trying to impress me or something?" she asked as she looked at the expensive menu.

"Is it working?" Derek asked jokingly.

"Maybe."

"I talked to Addison," Derek said after closing his menu.

"You did?" Meredith asked hopeful.

"Well, not really, but I tried. I went to her office, but she wasn't there and I called her, but she didn't answer. I left her a message saying what I needed to say and she'll probably call me back with her part," Derek said.

"Good," Meredith said.

"So, do you want to tell me about this Ashton guy and his kid?" Derek asked.

"No," she said shaking her head, "Not really."

The waitress showed up before Derek could respond and they both placed their orders. The waitress took their menus and left them to return to their conversation.

"Derek, how in the world is this going to work? I don't see it happening," Meredith said as she took a sip of her wine.

"That's because you aren't using your imagination," Derek joked making her smile. He turned his smile into more of a serious face, "I'm going to divorce her. Then there are no problems."

"Why are you giving up a long marriage for me? I just don't understand. You don't know me. Not at all."

Derek smiled, "I knew you'd like steak and wine."

"Okay, but who doesn't?"

"Vegetarians."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Shut up."

Derek sighed and brought back the seriousness to the conversation, "Addison and I have had problems for a long time. I just ignored them because I just figured that there wasn't anything better coming my way, I'd had my chance. But then you showed up."

The rest of the dinner went smoothly with Derek's joking comments and Meredith's rolling eyes and smiles. She still couldn't get over the fact that she was extremely comfortable with him. After all, she really shouldn't be, she barely knows him, but the more time they spent together, she began to feel like she'd known him her entire life. She was more comfortable with him then she was with Ashton half the time.

They got back in the car, but Derek didn't turn on the car. Instead he turned his head and looked towards Meredith, "Now you get to decide where you want me to take you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I could take you back to your house and say goodnight and see you tomorrow, or I can take you back to my hotel room and see what happens," Derek explained.

"Dr. Shepherd, are you trying to take advantage of me?"

"Only if it works."

Meredith smiled, "Is there an option three in all of this?"

Derek thought for a moment, "We could go on the ferryboats."

"The ferryboats?" Meredith asked.

"Yes, I have a thing for ferryboats."

Meredith seemed amused, "Really?"

"Yes, now do you want to go to the ferryboats?"

"Sure and then we can stop by your hotel room and 'see what happens,'" she said as Derek back out of the parking spot and then took her hand in his.

Meredith walked on the deck of the ferryboat and headed towards the railing. She looked at all the buildings and the lights sitting against the dark sky's background with its image reflected on the water. It was all amazingly beautiful. Derek walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He expected her to protest, but she didn't. Instead she leaned back into him and relaxed.

Derek looked down at her and kissed the top of her head sending chills through her body. She looked up at Derek and he smiled down at her, "Can I tell you something that will probably sound like a cliché and completely cheesy?"

"Sure," Derek responded.

"Have you ever had one of those moments when you're with someone and nothing else in the world matters? It's like you aren't thinking clearly because nothing else is on your mind, but then again you could be thinking clearer then ever because you aren't worried about impressions or consequences. You are just doing exactly what you want and reacting the way you feel?"

"Actually I had my first moment like that a few days ago," Derek said making Meredith smile and cuddle a little closer to him as the wind flew by.

"So this is your hotel room?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," Derek said as he took off his jacket.

"Not as romantic as I was picturing," Meredith said looking at the clothes dispersed throughout the room.

"Sorry, I've been trying to spend the least amount of time here as possible," Derek said as he picked up his clothes and threw them in the corner with his suitcases.

Meredith sat down on his bed and watched him, "Then why did you invite me here?"

"Well it's a little different when you aren't alone."

"Aww, are you afraid of being alone?" Meredith asked amused.

"No," Derek said as he walked back over to Meredith, "Just of being without you."

"Okay, no one gave you permission to be a cliché," Meredith joked.

"I usually don't ask for permission," Derek said as he leaned towards Meredith and met her lips. Meredith slowly fell back as Derek continued to kiss her. They both got lost in the moment and soon most clothes were discarded on the floor, but then a phone started ringing.

Derek pulled away from Meredith, "Ignore it."

He began to kiss her again, but she pulled away, "What if it's something important?"

"It can wait," Derek said as he kissed her again, but he quickly realized she wasn't kissing back and pulled away, "Fine," he said before rolling off of her.

Meredith pulled herself up and grabbed her purse, pulling the phone out of it. She looked at the caller-id and shut it off, "Never mind."

"You know, he'd probably stop bugging you if you told him you were in bed with another man," Derek said.

"I don't think Cristina would really care," Meredith said.

"Yeah, because that was Cristina, just like it was earlier, right?" Derek asked.

"Are you accusing me of lying?" Meredith asked in a joking voice.

"Not if Cristina's been spending a lot of time with your boyfriend," Derek said before he kissed her again, "I did talk to Addison. It's only fair for you to talk to Finn. You know, take all the unethical and immoral parts of this relationship out."

"Oh, we are so past unethical and immoral," Meredith said as she pulled him back down on top of her and kissed him again.


	28. Kiss and Tell

**September 29, 2006**

"Okay, next time you are going to leave a strange man with a baby in our house, you should come home to at least tell us," Izzie said as all of the interns stood waiting for Dr. Bailey.

Meredith didn't hear a word she said. She was too busy watching Derek as he walked past them smiling at her.

George leaned over to Izzie and whispered, "How many guys does she have?"

"Hey Meredith, your boyfriend called last night," Izzie said relatively loud.

Meredith jerked her head towards them, "What?"

"That caught your attention," Izzie said, "Yeah, Finn he called about four times."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah and I don't think that Ashton guy liked it very much that you didn't come home last night," Izzie pointed out.

"Too bad for him," Meredith said as if she didn't care.

"What are you all doing standing around? I told you yesterday that you were with the same attendings today, don't you all listen?" Bailey yelled when she saw them.

"Oh, sorry Dr. Bailey," Izzie said as they all ran off.

"Yeah, sorry my ass," Bailey said under her breath as she walked up the stairs.

Meredith picked up the labs she turned in and headed towards her patient's room when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. She took a few steps back and made sure her mind was playing tricks on her, "Ashton?"

"Meredith," he said sounding relieved.

"What are you doing here?"

"You didn't come home last night, I just wanted to make sure you were alright," Ashton said as he walked over to Meredith.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"So exactly how many men do you have?"

Meredith looked offended, "Excuse me?"

"You left with Shepherd and then some other guy was calling you all night."

"Look Ashton, that's my business," Meredith said as she turned to walk away.

Ashton grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him, "Meredith, we were happy. We were in love. You can't just forget about something like that."

"Ashton a lot has happened since then," Meredith said trying unsuccessfully to get him to let go of her.

"Honestly, tell me honestly that you have completely moved on," Ashton said waiting for a response. When Meredith didn't give him one, he kissed her.

"Meredith?"

Meredith turned around and saw Izzie looking at her completely confused. She turned back to Ashton, "You need to leave," she turned away from him and began to walk towards Izzie.

"Meredith."

"Ashton, go home," Meredith said without looking back. "Out of anyone, I'm glad you were the one to witness that," Meredith said after she reached Izzie.

"You do realize that you two were right by the overpass, right?" Izzie asked.

"What?" Meredith asked confused.

Izzie's eyes just went up to the overpass and Meredith's followed. She saw Derek who just shook his head and walked away.

Meredith ran up the stairs and after him. He stepped on the elevator and she squeezed in right before the doors shut, "Derek, please listen to me."

"I heard you last night," Derek said catching her off guard.

"What?"

"I heard you. Every word. And then I said it back and I believed you," Derek shook his head in disbelief, "I don't know why."

"You heard that?" Meredith asked, still shocked.

"Every word," Derek repeated as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out.

"I think I messed up," Meredith said sitting on a gurney in the basement.

"What did you do?" Cristina asked.

"She kissed some guy in front of McDreamy," Izzie said.

"I did not!" Meredith said quickly, "He kissed me."

"Same thing," Izzie said lazily.

"No, it's not."

Cristina just laughed, "Your life is oddly entertaining."

Meredith ignored her comment and continued with her complaining, "But that's not the worse part."

"What's worse?" Izzie asked.

"I told him I loved him."

"Yup, your life makes me love mine so much more," Cristina said before jumping off the gurney and heading down the hall.

"Why is she so cheery?" Meredith asked looking at Izzie, "When is she ever cheery?"

"I don't know maybe she got some," Izzie said before leaning back on the brick wall, "God I hate both of you."

"You could have Finn if you want," Meredith offered.

"Oh thanks, I get your seconds," Izzie joked as she got off her gurney and headed down the hall.

"What about George? Or Alex?" Meredith offered.

"I'll pass!"


	29. Love and Memories

"_We should go to sleep," Meredith said as she lay on her side facing Derek._

_"We should," he agreed, "But we don't have to."_

_"I'm exhausted."_

_Derek laughed, "That usually happens."_

_"Let's just go to sleep," she said as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him._

_A few minutes passed and Meredith continued to stare out into the darkness as she felt Derek's breathing slow, "Derek?" she whispered. When he didn't respond, she decided he was asleep, "This is all crazy, you know? We're both crazy for thinking this could ever work, but I've never felt this way. I've never been so comfortable with someone. I've never felt so connected to someone, especially in such a short time. It's crazy, it's like I love you." Meredith stopped for a moment and sighed, "That must be it. I love you."_

_Derek smiled and opened his eyes, "I love you too, Mer." _

_I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way_

Derek shook the memory out of his head as he opened the door of his office. He lifted his head as he walked in and was unexpectedly met by another pair of eyes.

"We need to talk."

Derek looked behind him and shut the door before looking back at her, "No, we don't. I said what I wanted to say. That's it."

"Well, it's my turn," Addison said as she stood up and made her way over to Derek, "We've been together for eleven years, Derek. We've both made mistakes, but those eleven years don't just disappear. Now we can both recognize that there were flaws in our marriage and we can fix it."

"Addison, we aren't fixing anything. This isn't fixable," Derek said walking past her to his desk.

"Derek, I only did it out of anger. I was upset, I saw you with her and it upset me and Mark was there," Addison said desperately.

"Do you really expect me to believe that it was a one time thing?" Derek asked as he pulled a file out of a drawer.

"Derek, I wasn't having a full blown affair, just like you weren't."

"You're right, I'm not. But that's because this marriage is over. What I have with Meredith isn't an affair, it's a relationship," Derek said, but was quickly reminded of that kiss and his face darkened.

"Are you really going to give up your wife for someone you barely know? One kiss isn't a relationship. Derek, she's using you. You're her rich boss. She's using you, don't you see that?"

Derek was about to protest and defend Meredith until his mind turned back to what she did. He just looked at Addison and then walked out the door.

**September 29, 2006**

Derek walked into Seattle Grace's library and found a table in the back. He figured no one would be looking for an attending in the library that interns did research in and luckily, it was basically empty so no one would bug him. He sat down and took a sip of his coffee.

He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He wanted to be with Meredith, but she had cheated on him. Well, technically he knew that she hadn't ended it with Finn so he shouldn't have expected something to happen, but he didn't expect it to be with that guy or right in front of him.

His thoughts flew back to his first night with Meredith. He couldn't believe that it was only four days ago. Everything had moved so fast since the moment he met Meredith. He remembered it perfectly; after all it had only been nine days ago.

_"Dr. Shepherd?" a nervous voice said._

_Derek looked up from a chart, "Yes?"_

_"I need a neuro consult on a case in the pit."_

_"And you are?" Derek asked as he closed the chart and placed his pen in his coat pocket._

_"Mer, Dr. Grey," she corrected herself._

_"Alright Dr. Grey, how's the patient presenting?" Derek asked as he followed her towards the pit._

_"A twelve year old boy with difficult speaking and swallowing. He's also experiencing headaches, drowsiness, and nausea," Meredith explained as they walked into the pit._

_"Sounds like a possible brainstem tumor," Derek said as Meredith pulled open the curtain revealing a young boy with blond hair and his mother at his side. Meredith walked over to the other side of the bed and picked up his chart, handing it to Derek._

_Derek looked at the chart, "Kevin, how are you feeling?"_

_Kevin looked up at Derek with a pale face. He didn't answer; he just turned and threw up. All over Meredith._

He smiled a little at the memory, but it quickly disappeared. He still couldn't believe that a woman he met nine days ago has affected him so much. She's successfully altered his future. He sighed and rubbed his face, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. He didn't understand it. He's more hurt now then he was after he walked in on Addison and Mark. None of this made sense.

Meredith sat in the empty basement and looked around, not really looking at anything. She couldn't believe Ashton did that to her. After everything she's done for him, especially since Connor was born. She knew she'd done something to him as well, but he knew that she moved on. She told him that she was with Derek and it didn't stop him.

She leaned back and took a deep breath, trying to process everything. She felt horrible. She knew she hurt Derek terribly and she didn't know how to fix it. Just too much was happening and it was overwhelming her. She was beginning to reach her breaking point.


	30. Nighttime Bliss

Meredith lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. She didn't want to go downstairs and face her past that had ruined her future. When she left the hospital, Derek wouldn't even look at her and it broke her heart. She had no idea what she was going to do.

She wiped a tear that rolled down her cheek and rolled her over to look at the rain falling from the sky. She felt pathetic, like the only thing she could do was lie in bed. And now, that was exactly what she planned to do.

_I am a hostage to my own humanity  
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made  
And all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with me  
But I can't ask You to give what You already gave_

Derek sat in his car like he had been for the last hour. He's driven past her house at least twenty times and he knew that her roommates were probably thinking he was some crazed stalker, but he didn't care.

He didn't know why, but he just wanted to be close to her, despite what she's done. As he drove past her house again, the living room light flipped on and he saw a silhouette in it. Derek knew he'd definitely been caught. Instead of turning around to go past her house again, he kept driving and headed towards his hotel.

Meredith looked at her clock. It was eleven. That means she'd been wallowing in her own self-pity for about two hours, which made her seem even more pathetic. She still couldn't make herself get up even though Cristina, George, and Izzie had all tried to make her. Lucky enough for her, Ashton hadn't come upstairs yet.

Her cell phone began to ring on the other side of the room. She thought seriously for a moment about just letting it ring, but it was becoming increasingly annoying and she knew Cristina was going to yell at her if she didn't answer it, so she forced herself to walk to her purse and grab it. She looked at the caller-id and saw that it was Finn. She turned her cell phone off and walked back to her bed.

She felt bad for not talking to him, she really did. After all, he hadn't done anything wrong. She just didn't want to deal with it right now. Actually, she didn't want to deal with much of anything. She rolled over again so that she was staring out the window. There was a knock on the door. She though for a moment that she should just ignore it, but knowing her friends, they'd just come in anyways.

"Come in."

Derek walked inside the darkroom and looked around. He didn't know what he was doing here. After all, he shouldn't be there and he knew it. He knew it when he was driving in circles and when he got into his hotel room. He knew it before he left his room and got in his car. He knew it the entire time he was waiting for the door to be answered and he knew it when Izzie opened the door.

He closed the door behind him and didn't move. He didn't say anything either. She looked at him in disbelief. She was surprised that he was there. She was happy, but surprised. Very surprised. "It wasn't me, you know," she said softly, "I didn't want that or start it. It was him, not me."

Derek's head went down and he looked towards his feet. A weight felt lifted off him, but guilt quickly replaced it. He looked back up and saw her eyes glowing in the moonlight, waiting and full of expectation. He looked around the room quickly and walked towards her.

She pulled the covers off of her and got up. She walked closer to him, meeting him at the window. They were both hesitant, afraid almost. She placed her hand gently on his chest as their foreheads met. Derek placed his arms loosely around her back. Meredith took a deep breath and looked up at him with apologetic eyes.

He looked down at her for a moment, fighting it off. Fighting off everything that he was feeling, but he couldn't do it. Instead he gently leaned down and kissed her. It felt new and different. It didn't feel forbidden anymore. It felt real and relaxed and comfortable. It felt like it was exactly where he was supposed to be. Within the first few seconds of that kiss, the hesitation and the fear disappeared. Derek brought her closer to his body and she didn't stop him. That kiss was passionate. It felt like a kiss of real love. Something that neither one of them had experienced before.

"Hey, Mer?"

"Hmm… let me sleep," Meredith muttered as she buried in headed into Derek's chest.

"I have something I have to tell you," Derek said as he ran his fingers through her long hair spread out on the sheets.

Meredith was silent for a few minutes, trying to sleep, but then her curiosity got to the best of her, "What?"

"Mer, look at me," he said as he lifted her chin to face him. He smiled down on her, "I have to make sure you hear me this time."

"What?" she asked confused.

"I love you."

Meredith didn't respond and oddly enough, Derek was okay with that. She had a right to be mad at him after all, he completely flipped out when she hadn't done anything wrong. He did see a sneaking smile creep upon her face before she buried it back comfortably into his chest. He could tell that she'd fallen to sleep within a few minutes and he finally relaxed, deciding that he could sleep now too.

"Derek. Derek."

"What?"

"Wake up."

"I am awake now."

"You can't go back."

"What?"

"You can't."

"Meredith, it is so dark right now, I can't even see you. And my brain isn't functioning yet so I can't translate girl freak out into normal conversation."

"Derek!"

"What? Don't hit me."

"You can't go back now."

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't take it back."

"Take what back?"

"Derek!"

"Stop hitting me!"

"I won't say it to you until you tell me you won't take it back."

"Wha- Oh."

"Yeah."

"I'm not going to take it back."

"Promise?"

"I promise, I love you."

"Okay, I love you too."

"Now come back to bed."

"Derek, I'm right next to you."

"Oh."


	31. The Unforgiving Past

**September 30, 2006**

Derek walked into his office and dropped his brief case and jacket. He turned his head towards his desk and his eyes immediately zoomed in on the file sitting on top of a few papers. He'd taken it out while Addison had been ranting on about Meredith. He was going to give them to her, but he'd walked out.

He opened the folder and saw that it was upside down. He picked up the papers and hesitantly flipped them over. He didn't know why he was being hesitant, but he was hoping for the one thing he knew wasn't going to happen. As his eyes glided over the printed side of the document, he didn't find a single signature.

He looked down at the two lines, waiting for the marks. The top one was clear. Perfectly. Under it was another line, the only difference was the name printed below it. It had a few dots of black ink. Dots full of vacillation and indecision. They were full of the confusion that he'd sworn off last night. The confusion that had miraculously disappeared before the night was over. And the same confusion that had just slithered back into his veins.

"I hate you."

"What?" Meredith asked as she wrapped a hair tie around her golden curls and turned towards her friend.

"I hate you."

"Okay, care to tell me why?" she asked as she closed her locker and followed Cristina out of the locker room.

"Because of your men. And their babies. And your house. I hate you too," Cristina continued bringing a smirk to Meredith's face.

"I only have one man. No need to be plural."

"Actually, you have three," Cristina pointed out as she grabbed a chart, "Two that just so happened to sleep at the house last night. I'm guessing one of those men was considerably happy, but I know for a fact that the other was pissed off. Almost as pissed off as I was and am."

"Why are you pissed off? I didn't do anything to you," Meredith said confused as she began to walk up the stairs with Cristina at her side.

"You are loud. Very loud. Too loud."

"What are you talking about?" Meredith asked with a little giggle in her voice.

"And your happy," Cristina groaned, "Too happy. Enough with the happiness."

"What are you? The devil?"

"No, because if I were, I would have brought you to the underworld last night and left you there so I could get a goodnight's sleep."

"I'm still not following."

Cristina stopped walking and turned towards Meredith, "Just get a padded headboard, okay? Or go stay at McDreamy's place. Let me sleep. I get cranky when I'm sleepy."

"I think you are cranky even with sleep," George said as he walked into the conversation.

"Shut up," Cristina said giving him a tired and disgusted look before heading in the opposite direction.

Meredith smiled and rolled her eyes before turning around and heading down a hallway towards her first patient for the day. George looked away from where Cristina had been and turned towards the spot he expected to see Meredith. Realizing she had begun to walk away, he headed after her.

"Hey, Mer? Do you know a, umm, a Mr. King?"

Meredith stopped and looked at George confused, "Mr. King?"

"Yeah, King."

"What about Ashton? Is he okay?" Meredith asked immediately worried.

George saw her expression immediately change and instantly wanted to comfort her, "Oh, no. Ashton, that's the name? Ashton, he's fine. It's another King. I don't know much about it, but I was told to find you."

Derek sat down at his desk, never letting go of the paper, not with his eyes or his hands. As he leaned back in his leather chair, he reread the words over and over in his head until it almost became memorized. The words jumped around in the complexity of his mind, never resting.

He finally let his eyes drift away after what felt like hours, but merely minutes. He looked at the pen sitting casually next to his stapler. It was only an arms length away, but it felt like miles. Derek's eyes fixed in on it, almost as if he could move things with his mind. He knew it would do nothing, but staring at it was all he could do. At this moment in time, he didn't have enough energy in his body to lift up the pen.

"Dr. Bailey? George said you were looking for me," Meredith said hesitantly.

Bailey turned around and looked Meredith up and down, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, forcing a smile on her worried face.

"Uh-huh," Bailey said doubtfully before shoving a chart at Meredith, heading down the hall, knowing that Meredith would follow her.

"Is Ashton, is he okay?" Meredith asked.

"Ashton?" Bailey asked in a confused voice, "Grey, you need more sleep. I have a woman in 2432. I need you to check in on her and monitor her labs."

"A woman? But George said that the last name was King," Meredith said as her confusion grew.

"It is," Bailey said as she stopped at the elevator.

"But he said it was a Mr. King."

Bailey rolled her eyes, "All of you need more sleep," she said as the doors opened and she stepped on muttering to herself, "Stupid interns. Can't even deliver a stupid message without messing up."

Meredith watched as the elevators door closed behind Bailey. A small dose of relief fell upon her before she headed down the hall to room 2432.

Meredith turned the corner towards the room, running directly into someone, making her drop everything she was holding. "Sorry," Meredith muttered as she bent down to pick up her belongings.

As her eyes went up to the hand that had beat her to the chart, she smiled. They both stood back up, never looking away from each other. "Where have you been all morning?"

"Working," Meredith said as she took the chart.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you know, the thing you should have been doing all morning."

"I have been working," Derek said defensively.

"I didn't see your name on the board."

"I don't just do surgeries," Derek said as he followed Meredith down the hall.

She stopped and looked at him, "Derek, you're a surgeon. Surgery is what you do."

"Except for you of course," Derek whispered into her ear making her blush.

"Derek, people are looking," she whispered back, not letting her eyes turn towards him.

"I don't care."

"Derek," she hissed.

"Fine," he said backing away from her, "Good-bye, Dr. Grey," Derek said walking away from her.

"I thought they were kidding when they said my doctor was a Grey," Meredith heard the second she walked into her patient's room.

Meredith looked up at the patient and then down at the chart. She examined the chart carefully and then looked back up at the woman lying in the hospital bed, "What are you doing here?"

"It's a hospital. I didn't have any choice. The ambulance brought me here."

"No, why are you in Seattle? You live on the other side of the country," Meredith said as she shut the door behind her, knowing that the nurse's didn't need to here anything that they'd repeat.

"Meredith, you know exactly why I'm here."

"No, no I don't," Meredith said.

"Well then you are a lot stupider then I ever thought," the woman added, leaving out an explanation of herself.


	32. Divorce

Meredith walked into Derek's office and closed the door behind her. She wasn't sure whether she was happy to finally be alone, or upset that he wasn't there. She looked around the office and something on the desk caught her eye. She walked over towards it, everything else leaving her mind. Sticking out the top of a manila folder was a thick pack of paper that said 'Divorce Decree' on top.

Meredith was slightly pleased to see them on his desk. Part of her had kept saying that he wasn't going to divorce his wife at all, but apparently the smaller part of her that held hope was right. She picked up the envelope and pulled the papers out of it.

As she did, the door opened revealing Derek. He quickly closed the door and looked back towards her. She looked down at the papers and then back up at Derek.

His face seemed to display only an apologetic emotion, but hers was full of so many things, she couldn't even decipher it. She didn't want to believe it. She looked back down at the papers for conformation of the inevitable. When she turned her eyes back towards Derek, he walked closer to her, reaching out to her speechless.

She took in a deep and painful breath that made her question if she was actually breathing air. She gently placed the envelope and papers down on the desk just as Derek grabbed her arm, "Meredith, let me explain."

She looked at him and then towards his hand that was on her arm. Derek still couldn't read her expression or her eyes and it was killing him. She didn't say anything; her eyes just darted from angle to angle, unable to focus on anything. She took in another painful breath and pushed her hair away from her face as she walked past him.

"Meredith," he said, still not letting go of her. She was closer to the door now, ready to escape, but he was still holding her in, not letting her go.

She looked at him, the pain now evident on her face and then once again looked towards the arm that was holding her. The same arm that had held her tightly all night long, a night that seemed to have happened so long ago. The look in her eyes hurt him, but he didn't know what to do about it.

She shook free from his grasp and looked down at the desk and at the papers still sitting there. She looked back at Derek one more time and then turned around a left, leaving him behind.

_Give it up baby  
I hear your goodbye  
Nothin's gonna save me  
I see it in your eyes  
Some kind of heartache  
Darlin give it a try  
I don't want pity  
I just want what is mine_

"Meredith? What's wrong?" Izzie asked as Meredith walked past her.

She didn't hear a word she said. She kept walking, blocking out everything that went through her mind. She had trusted him. She had let him in. She had fallen for him. And she'd let him know it. She'd never done that before. She'd never told a man that she loved him, but Derek was different. She felt things she'd never felt before and now she can't take them back. He'd said the same things, but apparently they didn't mean the same to him.

_I gave now I'm wanting  
Something in return_

"Dr. Grey? Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Meredith looked up from the floor and saw the last person she wanted to see. No, the second to last. Derek was the last, but this might be just as bad. She hid the fear that was consuming her before saying anything, "Yes, Dr. Montgomery?"

"It's Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. Well it was until you showed up anyways," Addison said harshly.

Meredith didn't know what to say. She wasn't about to start a fight with her boss. Especially not over Derek. Her husband. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go," Meredith said as she took a step away from Addison.

"Look, I'm not giving up. I'm going to fight for him," Addison said, not harshly this time.

Meredith looked up at her and saw the hurt in her eyes. Meredith swallowed hard, "Have him."

Addison was perplexed by her response, but oddly please. As those words slipped out of the intern's mouth, she could easily see the weariness evident all over her body. She watched as Meredith turned away and walked out of the hospital, staring down at the floor the entire time.

"Derek, can we talk?" Addison asked as she walked into Derek's office.

"Addison, not now," Derek said absently as he rubbed his forehead. He was sitting on his desk with a pen in one hand.

Addison watched him for a few moments, but her curiosity got to the best of her. She walked over to his desk and looked down at the papers that he was staring so intently at, "Divorce papers, Derek?"

Derek looked up at her, "It's for the best."

"You're going to give us up for that girl? Seriously?" Addison asked both concerned and slightly amused at Derek's lust for this intern.

"Addison we've been through this already," Derek said sounding exhausted.

"Derek, she doesn't want you. She obviously realizes it's not worth messing up her career."

Derek stood up, "You threatened her career?"

"No I didn't. I told her I was going to fight for you and she told me that I could have you. Derek, how stupid are you going to be? If you do this, you are going to be all alone," Addison said.

"And you'll be what? With Mark?"

"Derek, that's not fair," Addison said as she inched closer to Derek.

"Addison, I'll be by the house to pick up a few things I left in my office and then you can do as you please with the rest of my belongings," Derek said as he gathered the papers back in the folder, picked it up, and left. Leaving Addison standing there all alone.


	33. Go Away

"Dr. Yang? Have you seen Meredith?" Derek asked hoping that Meredith was still around.

"She left a little awhile ago," Cristina responded without taking her eyes of the computer screen.

"Is she at the house?"

"Do I look like her babysitter? I'm trying to work here," Cristina said obviously annoyed before getting up and walking away.

"She's not."

Derek had already turned around by the time he heard the voice. He turned back around and saw Izzie, "What?"

"She's not at the house."

"Then where is she?" Derek asked.

"Find out yourself," Izzie said before walking away. She knew that she had no idea where Meredith was, but she also knew that he caused Meredith's hurt look earlier.

Derek had no idea where she'd be, but it still made him feel horrible for decided to head back to his hotel. He felt like he should be out there looking for her, he just didn't know where to look. He stepped out of the hospital into the dark of the night and walked to his car that was parked up front. He walked over towards it and unlocked it before opening the door.

As he threw his briefcase to the side, he saw something on a bench by the hospital. He thought his mind was just playing tricks on him, but as she moved, her hair caught the light from inside the hospital and shined beautifully.

Derek closed his door again and turned towards her, taking a step onto the sidewalk. She was hunched over a little with her hair falling down before her, blocking her face from view. Her hand ran across her face beneath her hair and he could easily tell that she was wiping tears.

The sight broke his heart because he knew that he had caused all of her hurt and that was the last thing he had ever wanted to do. He placed his hands in his pockets and walked over towards her. When he reached the bench, he stopped in front of her, but she didn't look up.

She wiped away a few final tears and took a deep breath of the cold air. She then realized that if she didn't do or say something, he'd probably stand silently in front of her all night. She pulled her sweater a little tighter down her wrists and crossed her arms across her chest, trying to keep herself warm. She sighed and mustered up the bitterest voice she could despite her exhaustion, "Go away."

Derek knew that he deserved much worse, but that along with her tone and the hurt eyes he knew she was hiding, killed him inside. He looked around the empty sidewalk and sat down next to her. Part of him expected her to lash out at him or just get up and leave, but she didn't. She just sat there and shook a little in the wind.

Derek wanted to wrap his arms around her to keep her warm, but he knew that she wouldn't respond well to that. Instead, he took his jacket off and gently laid it across her shoulders. She flinched a little at his touch, but once his arms were away from her, she relaxed and pulled the jacket closer to her, taking in his warming scent. It made her want to forgive him, just like she knew his smile would.

Derek rubbed his hands together, searching for words. He knew he had to say something, because she wouldn't. A small smile formed at the edge of his mouth, he'd always loved her stubborn side, despite its difficulties. "Meredith, you have to understand that I was going to sign them."

Meredith didn't respond at first, she just sat there considering what he'd just said. She thought about what she really wanted to do and what she should do and then made a decision. She stood up and looked back at Derek, "I don't want to hear anything else from you," she said quietly shaking her head slightly.

"Meredith, please don't do this," he said pleading with both his words and his eyes.

"It wasn't supposed to last, Derek."

"What?" Derek asked, confused and a little surprised by her words.

"Situations like these never fall down on the side of the dirty mistress. I was just kidding myself," Meredith said as a stray tear rolled down her face.

"You aren't a mistress," Derek said as he stood up and reached out to her.

She instantly stepped away from him and saw the hurt in his eyes, "I am, Derek. I am."

"Meredith," Derek pleaded taking another step towards her.

She turned her head away from him as the tears began to fall again. She pulled off his jacket and placed it in his outreached hand, not turning towards him. She didn't want him to see her tears.

She looked up at the sky, taking in a deep breath to calm herself down. She wiped her tears with the edge of her sleeve before looking finally back towards Derek, "Be happy, Derek, just promise me you'll stay with her and be happy." Derek had no response planned and she didn't wait for one. Instead she cross her arms again to shield herself from the cold and walked slowly and silently towards her car.


	34. Emotions

**November 1, 2006**

"What's wrong with you?" Cristina asked as Meredith walked room with heavy eyes and a slouched walk.

"I didn't get any sleep," Meredith said simply as she sat down on the bench and leaned over, placing her head in her hands.

"Another night with McDreamy?" Cristina asked as she pulled her shirt on. She snatched her hair out from under the shirt and pulled it into a loose ponytail before looking down at Meredith who still hadn't responded. She looked weak and frail. After a few seconds passed by, she lifted her head out of her hands.

"No," Meredith responded quietly.

"Then where were you last night?" Cristina asked.

Meredith pulled herself off the bench, "I stayed here. I had some things to do," Meredith said, the second part a complete lie. She looked at Cristina who had an odd look on her face, "I'm fine," Meredith said before walking closer to the door.

"I didn't ask if you were fine," Cristina said, not sure if Meredith heard it or not.

"Hey, Mer?" Izzie said as she found Meredith leaning against a nurse's station, filling out some paper work.

"What?" Meredith asked quietly, not looking up.

"Do you know when this Ashton guy is going to leave? He keeps bugging us about where you are. It's a little stalker like. But, Connor? He's adorable. Maybe we could just keep him and get rid of his dad," Izzie said as she glanced over the charts Meredith had.

"Tried it," Meredith responded.

Izzie smiled, "So, where were you last night?"

"Sorry, I just got busy and lost track of time, so I decided to stay here," Meredith answered.

Izzie could tell that Meredith wasn't telling her something, "Any reason you're avoiding home?"

"I'm not. I just didn't feel like driving home and coming back three hours later," Meredith said as she continued to write.

"You didn't finish till three in the morning? You must be exhausted," Izzie said sounding concerned.

"No, caffeine is helping me out," Meredith said as she motioned towards her half empty coffee cup.

Izzie didn't say anything, but she didn't take her eyes off of Meredith. Meredith began to feel uncomfortable. She looked up and saw Izzie's concerned face, "I'm fine," she said defensively before grabbing her coffee and walking away.

"What's wrong with Grey?" Alex asked, sneaking up behind Izzie.

"I don't know. She didn't come home last night," Izzie said as she watched Meredith walk down the hall.

"Ten bucks says he knows," Alex said motioning to someone stopped at the side of the hall, following Meredith with his eyes and a longing look on his face. It was Derek.

Meredith grabbed a cup of coffee as she carried a chart down the hall. She was walking slowly and her demeanor was weak and tired. She brushed back her bangs with her hand that was holding on to her coffee before taking another sip. She turned down a hall in the empty hallway and ran into Dr. Bailey, spilling coffee between them. "Sorry, Dr. Bailey," Meredith said looking down; making sure that the coffee had missed them both.

Bailey checked her own scrubs and then looked back up to Meredith, "Grey, go home."

Meredith looked confused, "I'm fine, Dr. Bailey."

"No you're not," Bailey said stiffly.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, no, you're not. Go home. You looked worse when you got here this morning then you did when you left last night. Go home and stay there for a few days," Bailey said before turning away from Meredith.

Meredith was a little shocked, but knocked herself out of it and caught up with Bailey, "Dr. Bailey-"

"No, you are not fine, so don't even say it. Don't think I don't know what goes on in this hospital," Bailey said.

"Oh," Meredith said getting a little embarrassed, "What do you know?"

"Too much," Bailey said a little annoyed and disgusted before continuing to leave Meredith behind. As she walked she called out over her shoulder, "Grey, I'm serious. You better not come back here for at least two days!"

Meredith sat in her car facing the hospital. She hadn't really felt an emotion in twenty-four hours, except for exhaustion that is, but she wasn't completely sure if exhaustion was considered an emotion, so she came to the conclusion that she was emotionless. It hit her hard when Bailey told her that she wasn't fine. No one had done that before.

She was used to people just buying her cheap acts and walking in the other direction. She wasn't used to people seeing through her and then confronting her about it. It made her think. It tried to bring emotions back towards her, emotions that she didn't want to feel.

She looked up and saw Addison walking out of the hospital. She looked perfect and as far as Meredith was concerned, she was perfect. She had everything. She was successful, beautiful, respected, but most of all, she had Derek. Right then and there, emotions found Meredith. Too many did and she slumped over in her car and cried.


	35. Boy Problems

Meredith pulled herself together and put her car in drive. She was dreading going home. She didn't want to face her past with Ashton or her future without Derek. Instead, she pulled into the bar's parking lot and shut off the ignition. She checked her face in the mirror and waited for her flushed face to calm down.

When she walked into the bar, it was relatively empty, so she grabbed a bar stool away from everyone and ordered a few shots of tequila. After downing the first two, a man sat down next to her and ordered his own drive. She recognized him almost instantly, but pretended that she hadn't and continued to stare off into space.

"Drowning your sorrows in tequila?"

"No offense, Dr. Sloan, but outside of the hospital, I don't have to pretend like you aren't an ass," Meredith said harshly, facing forward.

"Feisty are we?" Mark joked taking a sip of his beer.

"Why are you here?" she asked, obviously annoyed by his presence.

"You don't like me very much do you?" Mark asked receiving a glare from Meredith before she took another shot, "You know, we really aren't that different."

"Really?" she asked sounding extremely doubtful.

"Yes. We both like surgery, we both like to drown our sorrows in alcohol, we both fell in love and now we both are alone," Mark said.

"I'm not alone."

Mark looked over his shoulders and then back at Meredith, "Unless you have an imaginary friend, I think you are alone."

"I have a boyfriend," Meredith said bluntly.

"Now where is this boyfriend of yours?" Mark asked, slightly enjoying the fact that he knew she wanted to kick his ass.

"Why are you talking to me like you know me? Because frankly, I'm not sure you know my first name and I'm pissed off and drunk so I suggest you either leave or be prepared to end up in the emergency room, only not in scrubs," Meredith said, almost yelled, while staring him directly in the eyes, hers flaring with rage.

"Mark?"

Meredith and Mark's heads both flew in the behind them at the sound of his name. Meredith was still utterly pissed off and anyone could have noticed just by looking at her, but Mark looked seriously shocked.

Meredith's first instinct was to let her face relax and let the wall of anger that had surrounded her to crouch in and down and show her vulnerability, but she quickly stopped herself. Her head flew back towards the bar as she threw down a few bills before pushing herself off the bench. Mark watched her walk away, brushing past Derek who grabbed her arm and stopped her.

She looked down at his hand and then up at him, "Don't touch me," she said forcefully with her eyes blaring colors he'd never seen before. She pulled herself away from him and left the bar, both men staring at her disappearing figure.

_I bet you think I'm kidding  
But I promise you its true  
I hate most everybody  
But most of all I hate  
Oh, I hate you_

Meredith pulled into the driveway and turned off her car. She looked up at the house and sighed. She got out of the car and walked up to the door, ringing the bell. The door opened almost instantly.

"Meredith? Where have you been?"

"I'm sorry," Meredith said simply, looking down at the ground.

"What's wrong?" Finn asked as he wrapped her arms around her. He could feel her body be consumed in tears. He pulled in inside and closed the door behind them.

He helped her over to the couch and sat her down. She pulled away from him and he could finally see her tear stained face. "Meredith, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I just ignored your calls and now I'm here, but I didn't know where else to go," Meredith mumbled as she continued to cry.

"No, it's okay. We all have hard times," Finn said as he wrapped his arms around her. He let her cry for a few minutes before lifting her chin to face him. "It's really okay. I promise," he said. She nodded, her eyes full of vulnerability. She looked scared out of her mind and hurt. Finn didn't know what had happened, but all he wanted to do was make her feel better. He lifted her chin a little higher, making her look at him and brought his lips to hers, kissing her.

**November 2, 2006**

Meredith woke up to a ringing noise. She rolled over in the darkness and grabbed her purse that was thrown next to the bed. She pulled her cell phone out and looked down at the caller id. She ended the call and dropped the phone back on top of her purse before situating herself back in bed.

She looked up at the ceiling and noticed something different. It wasn't her ceiling. She looked next to her and immediately regretted waking up. She quietly pulled herself out of the bed and quickly got dressed. She grabbed her purse and cell phone before tiptoeing out of the room. When she was finally home free, she looked back down at the phone and a sarcastic smile came upon her face. She found it slightly amusing that the last time Finn had called her, she'd been in bed with Derek and now that she had been in bed with Finn, Derek had called her.


	36. Fallen from Grace

Meredith walked into her house and immediately dropped her bag. She'd forgotten how she hadn't been in her own house for days. She missed it; after all, it was her house. She walked into the kitchen and immediately felt small arms wrap around her legs.

She bent down and lifted Connor up into her arms and smiled at him, "Hey buddy. How have you been?"

"I missed you, Meri," he said with a huge smile on his face.

"I missed you too," Meredith looked up at the voice who was speaking and her smile slipped away from her face.

"Oh, Ashton," she said quietly.

"I don't think you could have sounded more disappointed to see me," he said as he placed the dirty breakfast dishes into the sink.

"Not disappointed. I'm just tired," she said as she put Connor down so he could play with his toys.

"Been with Shepherd?"

"No," Meredith said innocently as she grabbed a piece of cold pizza out of the fridge.

"Really?" Ashton asked, almost hopeful.

"Really," she confirmed, "I saw someone at the hospital the other day," she added as she took a bite of the pizza.

"Who?" Ashton asked, surprised by the normality of their conversation.

"Connor's mother," she said simply.

"What?" Ashton asked surprised, "Nichole?"

"Yeah, an ambulance brought her in. Car accident," Meredith said, holding on to the simplicity of her words, no expression in her voice.

"What the hell is she doing in Seattle?" Ashton asked, still stunned.

"Don't know. Don't particularly care," Meredith said before walking out of the kitchen. She kind of felt bad for just leaving him like that, searching for answers, but then again she didn't. After all, she was pissed off at him, he deserved to suffer at least a little bit.

Meredith walked into her room and fell down on the bed, not even bothering to turn on the light. She looked at the ceiling and then at the cell phone she'd picked back up on her way up the stairs. It was flashing saying that she had a message. She knew it would be from Derek. She didn't want to listen to his excuses, but part of her just wanted to hear his voice.

Despite what her mind kept saying, she called her voicemail and waited for the message to begin. "Mer, I was just calling to say, well now I just wanted to say that I can't be happy. I can't be happy without you. I can't stay with her because I love you. And that's never going to go away. I wish I could be saying this all to your face, but I know you can't even look at me and I don't blame you. Just know that I love you."

Meredith dropped the phone and took in a sharp breath. The act she'd been pulling since she woke up easily fell apart as tears rolled down her face. She was tired of being "fine" because she wasn't fine. She was losing it. She wanted Derek and she was tired of fighting it.

"_Don't you dare speak down to her. She's amazing. She's everything, more then I ever thought possible. Don't ever say anything about her again."_

The words that Derek had spoken what seemed like forever ago finally soaked in. She could see his face as if he was standing right in front of her. Perfectly together, beautiful eyes, silky hair, everything.

_"I can't get you out of my head either."_

Every moment that they'd spent together replayed through her mind. She couldn't stop it and she had stopped trying. It was no use. His smile kept flashing before her. It was like it was haunting her.

_"Good morning, beautiful."_

Even the simplest words were different when he said them. She could still taste his kiss and every inch of his body. She rolled over in the darkness as her tears continued to flow down her face. She'd never before felt so alone.

_Her feelings she hides.  
Her dreams she can't find.  
She's losing her mind.  
She's fallen behind.  
She can't find her place.  
She's losing her faith.  
She's fallen from grace.  
She's all over the place._


End file.
